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  • Loss

    Another old one! It tells a sad made up story! It is just a story! Lol!


    LOSS

    My Momma
    died Today
    My Father
    cried Today
    I wanted
    to hide Today
    So, I stayed
    inside Today

    There are just ----- so many questions
    That I know ----- I can not answer
    But one thing ----- I know for sure
    My Momma ----- died from cancer

    We'll bury
    her Tomorrow
    So begins
    my life of Sorrow

    We have no money
    for her funeral
    So we'll have
    to beg or borrow

    So, that's why
    I stayed inside Today
    And why
    I wanted to hide Today

    It's why
    my Father cried Today
    I can't believe
    my Mother died Today

  • #2
    Lovely, it's a certain characterization ... I think you did well with it, rhythm to boot... I always seem to flirt with the edges of fantasy/made up stuff, I certainly felt from reading this piece Some emotions, it's like a sad song. "sung" beautifully!

    Comment


    • Rhymeboy
      Rhymeboy commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you amenOra!

  • #3
    This has the feel of a folk lament, something to be set to music. The simplicity works to strengthen this piece.

    Comment


    • Rhymeboy
      Rhymeboy commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank You grant hayes!

  • #4
    I won't offer condolences this time (since you forewarned me ), but I do want to agree with the other poets about the rhythm you have going in this. It could be a tear-jerker if recorded by a country-western singer (or is that redundant?).

    Comment


    • Rhymeboy
      Rhymeboy commented
      Editing a comment
      Lol! Thanks RhymeLovingWriter! Most people think my poems are in response to real life experiences but they are just made up stories! I have an overactive imagination that didn't go away with childhood! Lol!

    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      That's the very best kind of imagination to have - for a writer!
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