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Dreams to Be

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  • Dreams to Be

    Dreams to Be

    I am here,
    You are there.
    Our lives, two different places.

    Suddenly, someway, somehow,
    Here and there become the same, with us as one.
    Understanding, only that we’re together.
    Not to matter though, because being one is the dream.

    Perfection and beauty surround.
    Our eyes meet, locked in gaze
    Our arms embrace, bodies held close
    A slow, passionate kiss is shared.
    In this moment our hearts are synced and futures bright

    Suddenly awake, the dream, now over.
    Sleepy confusion fades sadly back into reality
    Left only then, still longing it seems,
    for this dream… to be.

    I'd love some feedback on this.. its supposed to be be from inside a dream, without sorta realizing its a dream, then waking up suddenly

  • #2
    Good morning Cory S. I think you have a great concept here.

    I"m still learning every day about the craft of writing and poetry in particular, but one thing I've heard over and over about my own writing is that I need to 'show' not 'tell'. Instead of saying 'here' and 'there', perhaps illustrate the separation using a description of different surroundings? Then instead of telling us you're awake and it was a dream, show us what the space looks like when you awake and realize you were only dreaming (i.e. clock chiming, sun shining in the window, other loud noise to startle you back to reality, etc.). I'm no expert, so take it for what it's worth - but most definitely, welcome to the Zone!