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Ciao (Kyōka 2)

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  • Ciao (Kyōka 2)

    I took axe to bough
    Of that allergenic yew
    To hew a mean bow.
    With great panache I let fly
    A gnarly bow to my beau.

  • #2
    Hold the arrow,
    fire the bow.
    I enjoyed the mix
    of rhyme and alliteration.
    I notice that you've played 5,7,5,7,7
    which would have been 5,7,5,7,8
    if, in the last sentence arrow
    had replaced bow
    and offer MHenry's wisewords to me from His "Call for Submissions"

    MHenry Hi, Johntee, These days, most everyone stays away from 57577 in tanka. Even short, long, short, long, long, has fallen by the wayside. Tanka generally do not rhyme, but Kyoka can rhyme. Kyoka can be serious or humorous, but they don't have any of the restrictions of traditional tanka. Neither tanka, nor kyoka have titles and are usually in all lower case, unless you use a proper noun, in which case it is a choice. Pivots are a device used in tanka and kyoka, but is not necessarily required, depending on the editor.
    Last edited by Johntee; 04-24-2018, 10:13 AM.


    • Merkavah
      Merkavah commented
      Editing a comment
      In this case, the traditional format worked out quite well. I did end up going with a 5,7,5,7,8 for my other Kyoka (Umbra) simply because it sounded better. Part of the fun (and function) of specific rhyming schema's for me is to make me condense my poem into something better than rambling prose.

      Also, bough and bow (2nd) rhyme while beau and bow (1st) rhyme... unless of course bough is the only rhyme of it's kind while beau rhymes with both bows. But of course it's the former! (Unless it's the latter, in which case Monsieur or Madame Beau may be in some pain from a bō to the face.)

  • #3
    Those are some words which have been difficult for me for various reasons. Slightly humorous, I see, beneath the surface. Thanks for sharing


    • #4
      I still have trouble reading it myself sometimes. Which part rhymes with which? ... I'm glad you liked it, I honestly like my other Kyoka better (Umbra) but happy enough with this one.


      • #5
        I like this. A form I have not tried. but your poem inspires to consider exploring it


        • Merkavah
          Merkavah commented
          Editing a comment
          It's fun. I like traditional poetry but find it hard to make somber nature or philosophical poems beautiful. A little madness allows more exploration, at least for me, so I like the idea of Kyoka poems. They can even have a little history, philosophy or nature hidden in that madness. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​