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Oblivion's Child

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  • Oblivion's Child

    Not the starry web that streams the sky,
    Not tempestuous floods and hurricanes.
    The gilded faces of the strangest pain
    Brought upon by some unthinking being.
    Death locks its jaws, and I am clear,
    Destitution of the spiritual atmosphere.
    I climb like flames to hover over myself,
    What ends in wanton knowing, blown away.

    Apart from the hate they are blinded by,
    And the door which they perpetually take
    Down the stations in the cabalistic signs
    Where the monsters align with real blood
    Picking humans like their gorey flood;
    To their participation against us, further
    Pain against my lack of movement,
    DIstance and refrains in my horned head

    All that I see around me can simply fall
    Like shields and webs and the basest night
    Over the heads of travelers who stall
    Facing West while the night rings out
    It is silver and pleasurable, and eats you.
    While the guilty from the South mutiny
    Against a backdrop of soulless blank words.
    A mess I've got myself in, instead:
    I read the riddle the second I became.

    Oblivious to the children's cry -- What am I?
    Locking myself inside this room to breathe?
    Or do I make some sudden change, again
    And find you looking over me, and now gone.
    I remember your face (I remember my lies)
    Some moment we blinded the love we knew,
    And decided why we could understand you.
    Why we must separate ourselves, and good
    From bad will come, will flee, will move--
    Perhaps without me? It weaponizes pain

    Just to peer into the fearful, bloodshot eyes
    Just to know the dropping pins in my soul
    Silver eyelids and the moonlight so blessed
    I am left with a lack of the light that I knew.
    The moon and my friends have been swallowed.
    I am left with dark ink running in shadows;
    Left with the high praise of the witnesses
    Whom I've conceitedly deceived for my plans.
    Gone to war to finally end all of the lands.

    It comes to my side, much like the world
    That falls from the rocks, disintegrating
    The cliffs where they unfurl their stone tongues.
    It flies in the face of convention, and stings
    Like bees that buzz around the honeyed hive.
    It breathes the poison to make it alive --
    Out from the pain, such distress, and nothing
    The eaten remains, the cremated names.
    You've lost the pages, tore them all out.

    The rumors you've been dealt all say it's true:
    Your name you fight for, instead of worrying.
    You fight the ghosts inside the cupboard.
    And hurry, hurry, the hate will consume
    But this tongue which will split won't even tell--
    O how my shadowed horsemen run, and run,
    And out of the way of a horrible hell, they scan
    Horizons, finding shelter in the darkest places
    Where the light bends around, and goes through.

    The distant keepers of the flames I climb,
    Listening to the mutinous globs of people
    Yelling, screaming, uncontrolled, a disaster.
    We wanted meaning when we come to you,
    We wanted something we could hold.
    Now we're dissatisfied with ourselves,
    Now we've lost our last foothold, and our day
    Turns to night while the wind refuses to die.

    The light that we swallow goes into our mind
    And we eat the ashes, and we eat the rhyme
    As moons form around the world we are in,
    As time bends around our fingers like water.
    We're half-way in, we're expressing the pain;
    And what comes out of our mouths, a sword.
    Riddled with the blood and the steel.
    Hope for something more than the wrongs.

    Gone against a backdrop of filth, gone,
    The soul pleads with the ego, the might
    Of an angel struggling with a human.
    You tell me all the lies in the world, until
    The son comes in the morning to peek.
    It's like the vampires were too weak,
    They couldn't control the lack of soul
    Teeming to get out. It's like my time wasted
    Looking for you to appear as I'd wish.

    All the while I come back to this,
    My faith in myself able to connect with
    Something more than I have known.
    I have known the bottles so empty
    To suck down the rest of the soul--
    And the next day, they were confused.
    They weren't sure why we missed;
    They were with us, and barely there.
    They were only partially complete.
    And the voices of the moon so sweet.

    All the hate they've given me,
    My blinded eyes full of fear shut down.
    I cannot stop the dead from coming,
    I can't explain how they have me.
    I don't wish to submit to their words,
    I don't want to believe in the lies.
    So the dark cannot think, and I stop
    Moving because it already has me;
    The clearest voice, still, so saddening.

    Perhaps their future is like that bird,
    Whom the fire is one with, perhaps
    All of the world that I know can become
    Part of the world that I don't? Can you?
    Trysting with these fists I get so sick,
    And dipped in the sunshine again I find
    What words would follow my truth
    Like a long line of crazy animals I love,
    I could never tell you why.

    It's the frozen state of an elixir in me,
    The ice pick to a heart set in stone.
    It's the world coming after me,
    After all the tales I told came alive.
    It's the statues standing sentinel
    To make my world turn upside down.
    It's my gathering hands in the grass,
    Faulted by the sound I can't hear,
    Faulted by the voice which I can't use,
    Faulted by the darkness in us all.

    It's the self which has no bounds, and still
    Laughs as it breaks its own records.
    It's the falling down, the getting up,
    To live to bask and see another day's light.
    The lies pass away, the skin which we shed
    Never but disintegrates -- and we flee
    The starry moon, the serpent Eye--
    So we need the world we thought was gone.
    So we break it up, in lieu of our spite,
    And swallow the thousand years of lack

    We've burned in. We eat and we sleep
    Mad because we're blinded by ourselves?
    Well I am walking blind, so beneath
    The drawing curtains which I can part
    By moving through the distance of the night.
    Where others fell, in fear, I was aware
    More than love, more than pain,
    I was as moving as a stone under your touch.

    I was the spirit passing through,
    I was the wonder which we caught
    Dead in the brush which I never thought
    It came alive, and hinted my loss.
    Perforce the blindness would we pray--
    Pray to get away from death before we die?
    And so, then, venturing out, all we see,
    All this life I've lived, so the mistake,--
    So that death was swallowed up in victory.

    I have a sword inside me which I am,
    I have the world's own pain, all along the way
    Disintegrating at the mouthed words
    I couldn't hear. My eyes were the light,
    O now I tell the story of what's right--
    Within their dead eyes, I watched the Sun
    Blinding them, one by one, and each shape
    Swallowed by their vision intoxicated.
    I watched them band around the Flesh

    Drinking the flesh of the others.
    I watched the vincible feelings run amok --
    And I am left with all of their words,
    And the cold lack of regard, and I can't speak.
    And I can't speak to the hurt, nor can I
    Mask my own emptiness, here where words fail.
    I was afraid like everyone else, with no excuse,
    I somehow moved through you.
    And somehow I got loose from between them.

    The parting boards I watched fall.
    The heart full of love, pumping blood,
    Bound for more than itself. How we connect,
    How the perfection connects instead
    A sunset bound in the world that I dread.
    How the scales just flaked off of me,
    How my eyes turned so sharp, so seeing
    Every movement around me.
    How the folly scared them off, and yet
    Provided them foolish reasons to feed
    Upon the rotting rose. They wish
    Sleep was theirs to keep, and to hold

    Deeper than a lung full of breath.
    They wish they could eternally change
    The order of the world which deranged them.
    They found the cloistered pearl,
    And fell inside it's little stigmatic world.
    The little blossoming things I know
    Had to have turned them around
    So many times before. But now, the still note
    Ringing through the clouds,
    All of the voices, all of the unknown,
    Every place I've been, that they haven't.

    With this sword inside, I move,
    With this word I can't hide I bloom
    Out from beneath the heels
    Within the dampest soil
    While the friction rubs me away.
    Is it my own questions of faith?
    Is it my surrender to courage
    Which completes the dark ray
    Found inside what they couldn't resist?

    Do you find from the shells
    Spread abandoned on the ocean floor
    More dirt and dust to murk the flood?
    Do you deem it such a captive
    As to have its own apprehension?
    O it eats from the darkest branch,
    O it's face won't soon be shown
    It's the dirty water and the sand,
    It's the locomotion that we're fed.

    What should we do but move beyond
    What we thought we couldn't accomplish?
    In the stillest center I can find me,
    Bastion against the bastions against;
    I can't so much as fear the lacerations
    As mirror them back to their source.
    I can't so much as make an excuse
    As die at the mercy of your touch.
    Like love cannot feel but still moves.

    Like death walked hand in hand with me,
    And all I wondered was would we end
    Like rings upon our fingers would break;
    Like the right and wrong way had stopped ...
    And we're left with these paltry words,
    These things that make us what we are.
    Can we escape if we don't have them
    Can we make a point with our silence?
    Can we find out how silent?
    My face is dark mud and reflection.

    O to be the tear in reality
    To forget what it is that we're doing,
    Fallen prey and victims of ourselves
    -- Half-forgetting what we were --
    The silence of the night we can't blame,
    The remains of the pain
    Still promising with a serpent's tongue--
    O gently would you take us away.
    I decided it's not my decision
    To say where we'd end up; we had to go

    And it turns out the wind we belong to,
    It's such a screeching panic
    To find the faces all eroded, vanished
    Underneath the world we trusted.
    That hand which broke its fingers
    To touch once again -- as it lingers --
    The vice of the world we can watch.
    It's giving us a choice, and we know
    Just what its silent words mean.
    Unless we pretend that we can't --
    We accomplish Peace with a Sword.

    The length of our time here
    Still to stretch out like the lands
    And the frozen continents of Forever,
    Still to flourish in our hearts unstained.
    The whims of the monster, unslayed,
    Why do you keep them alive, then,
    And why can't we breathe when you're near?
    O heaven, do you hear, that blue sound goes
    Further and further looking for itself?
    Is that what makes the sky so big?
    And to wonder what it's like without it?

    I have to breathe in the feelings, to know
    Folly has turned me upside down,
    So now I see who I can be, who I am.
    Not consigned to fate nor oblivion,
    While you practice what to do or say
    And the flowers auto-germinate --
    We are actually listening. We're just silent.
    While you push across your mores,
    And wares the way you tarry inside;
    What can love do but understand
    Within its black and bitten hand?

    I could try to explain what it means
    It needed more to move than be stopped.
    Powerful, but somehow it would cross
    And turn from violence to Sentience:
    And that is its loss, who would accrue
    An ego made of what it wished wasn't.
    It comes true. I have watched it.
    The cesspit of the world and my spit,
    All congealed, down until the end.

    While all this time what I can prove
    Means less than that I made a sound.
    To be seen for what it is, is not myself;
    It's something else I wanted too much.
    Now to still the wheel of my body
    Moving in the tandems of the dark.
    Compendium of my second chance,
    Suspended and half-animated.
    Throwing the dark around the room.
    Making a storm of my mood.

    I am left with what I consumed,
    Here like a hole inside which fills up.
    It's tear-stained notes from my bed,
    It's matter which we occupy.
    It leaves its trace to say, this is what I was,
    And though I'll always change,
    It has its dark say in all the affairs.
    I couldn't just turn into them,
    I could only learn to overcome
    And live without what they needed.

    I found within my mind that to love
    Was more than all the day would need.
    I found by the fact that I was doubted,
    I could separate myself from thinking.
    I could think that it was true or not,
    But what mattered was that I remained.
    Now the dark passions ebb away,
    Now I am left with cold water and blood.
    Now my world can't wash away.
    O but I try, I try, with all my might
    To make the ocean move once again.

    But it's completely frozen.
    I tried with all my excuses to find
    Where the connecting turned wrong.
    Undying spirits like some malignity,
    For the shield I wished so long for--
    To separate from me and my sword
    The distance between being alive
    And wanting more than the pain
    And wanting more than what's been.
    I walk my path through the pelting rain.

    What can I prove? What it can't do?
    The pelting rain can come through.
    Let the dark caress bleed through.
    Let not the panic stop you--
    And I will watch as the works move
    Out from the mouths we have fed,
    To know the cushion inside my head.
    To know the spiritual longing's true.
    Able to sustain what we truly are.
    Not giving into an impulse that passes.
    Breathing with an eternal passion.
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