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  • Johntee
    commented on 's reply
    Mr. Henry
    Nicely Kyoka'd
    as it is, your answer
    shows tongue cheeked
    comic Mastery

  • Suz-zen
    commented on 's reply
    me too... i think!

  • MHenry
    replied
    You did, indeed
    call them slack rhymes
    perhaps, Johntee
    you've coined a phrase
    stacking words in pleasant ways

    Leave a comment:


  • Johntee
    commented on 's reply
    MH thanks for your attention
    You'll notice I called them slack rhymes
    bane and come fall into the very slack variety,
    but I still find them pleasing to my tongue.
    In the first verse you've greenlit wounded
    but not linked to any other, whereas I would
    link "sounds tones" and the "wound" part of wounded,
    but I'm not a poet, and I'm inclined to think I'm Lost in Japan.
    My other attempts once I'd read MKei's piece
    were
    Atoll (kyoka?)(Lake Biwa came out of an NHK (Japan) programme I happened to be watching) and then Bipolar

    so I read the screed,
    no anchorage found
    swung lead pulls up sand
    a spy glass for the blind
    oystered pearl coral bound.

    an oyster with true grit's
    unscratchable itch gives it
    nacreous embodiment
    the pearl handled threat
    a knife to make the split

    Lake Biwa pearls fresh
    farmed three years
    to adorn
    scorn
    the sphere.

    tongue teeth cheek chew
    ruminance turns on nip
    interlaced with tuck
    misplaced
    a bitten lip

    And Bipolar

    the cup of life,
    drunk to dregs then filled again
    overflowing day to night
    manic thought in pursuit
    a spirit rapt in febrile flight.

    in that fractal instant
    of shredded thought
    the balance tilts,
    delight to regret
    for quintessence spent.

    the bitter lees
    alone are left
    bleak depression
    brings to earth
    life's penumbral tone
    Last edited by Johntee; 04-19-2018, 09:07 AM.

  • MHenry
    replied
    Hi, Johntee, These days, most everyone stays away from 57577 in tanka. Even short, long, short, long, long, has fallen by the wayside. Tanka generally do not rhyme, but Kyoka can rhyme. Kyoka can be serious or humorous, but they don't have any of the restrictions of traditional tanka. Neither tanka, nor kyoka have titles and are usually in all lower case, unless you use a proper noun, in which case it is a choice. Pivots are a device used in tanka and kyoka, but is not necessarily required, depending on the editor.

    Gogyoshi do have titles, and five lines with no other rules at all, except that 57577 is verboden in Gogyoshi. I have just learned about Gogyoshi and have written a few the past couple of days. I haven't decided if that is a form in which I want to invest my poetic endeavors.

    Sometimes slant rhymes are hard to find. Yours, mine, and others! I have trouble finding them in your second verse. The closest I can come is wolfsbane and become, but they don't seem to slant rhyme for me. Please tell me what I missed! I have two submissions from poets whose rhymes I cannot find!

    Places and Times

    Beat poet jazz rhymes
    from bent cornets be-bop sounds
    Kind of Blue Note tones
    "Howl" talks away Ginsburg's loss,
    Mantras tunnel wounded minds.

    Being Beastly

    Bitten by some germ,
    rage at the moon. Wear wolfsbane
    then when claws sharpen
    and sprouting hair grows to fur
    run, rejoice what you've become.

    A Verse in the Garden of Time

    From fevered heart's blood
    pen'd memories of desire
    phrase by phrase recall'd.
    We are nature's diarists,
    loose leaves burnt in Winter's fire.

    Leave a comment:


  • Johntee
    replied
    FAO MHenry
    Having read your reference prompt to "What is a Tanka" it seems to require 5 lines of not more than 31 syllables in the pattern 5,7,5,7,7 but rhymes are not a requirement. Your comment on AmenOra's piece rhymed lines 2 and 5. Here are three pieces with slack rhymes on 2 & 5. As usual they are not personal experiences. How do they fare? If these pass (that is I've understood the task) next we come to Kyoka which are comic verse? Again I've read your prompt and am all at sea. No syllable requirement. Rhyme possible but not encouraged. A pivot or maybe not. All in all I guess this leaves me out.

    Places and Times

    Beat poet jazz rhymes
    from bent cornets be-bop sounds
    Kind of Blue Note tones
    "Howl" talks away Ginsburg's loss,
    Mantras tunnel wounded minds.

    Being Beastly

    Bitten by some germ,
    rage at the moon. Wear wolfsbane
    then when claws sharpen
    and sprouting hair grows to fur
    run, rejoice what you've become.

    A Verse in the Garden of Time

    From fevered heart's blood
    pen'd memories of desire
    phrase by phrase recall'd.
    We are nature's diarists,
    loose leaves burnt in Winter's fire.
    Last edited by Johntee; 04-17-2018, 09:47 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • MHenry
    replied
    Thanks for the bump, aO!

    Leave a comment:


  • amenOra
    replied
    Bump

    Leave a comment:


  • MHenry
    replied
    You should. RhymeLovingWriter, I have no doubt you can get a rhyming kyoka published in my special feature!

    Leave a comment:


  • RhymeLovingWriter
    replied
    Thanks for the heads up MHenry. I'm going to take a look at this!

    Leave a comment:


  • MHenry
    started a topic Call for Submissions

    Call for Submissions

    I am editing a special feature for Atlas Poetica. http://atlaspoetica.org/?p=1874

    All you rhymers, check it out!

    MHenry
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