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A slender hall

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  • A slender hall


    My core careens
    Down a slender hall
    I confess
    I protest
    I fall
    Bite my tongue
    Gnash my teeth

    To many doors, too narrow for echoes
    Old and wide enough for ghosts
    Twenty eight years charged bye
    I scratched and stretched my head
    Over by the river’s edge
    I could hear them talk
    He should stretch his talent instead
    When I would stop to listen
    They would stop to gawk
    So I took my place in the race
    Down a slender hall
    And I melted away
    Along with my face
    My mind blended into blind
    I became a stumbling idiot
    Without you in the lead
    I fell out of the chase
    Into the grind
    Also from grace
    Trampled under foot
    Left behind
    I must have been insane
    To have been so kind


  • #2
    Lost in the crowd, fitting and flitting, losing yourself from yourself. I loved it from the title on, TS!


    • The second
      The second commented
      Editing a comment
      Many thanks again Muttado1sb

  • #3
    Now this is deep and I love it; very thought-provoking.


    • The second
      The second commented
      Editing a comment
      I'm happy you Love Mooney Thank you

  • #4
    Intriguing, The Second.


    • #5
      I'm not sure if this feels up to the quality of some other things I've seen you write. I think it's a matter of many jumbled up ideas together ... doesn't congeal for me. I suppose I'm pondering this lately, whether it is sure that if I am swept away, that experience translates.

      I will try not to be mean, as that is not my intention. Slender hall seemed an awkward phrase. And the "to many doors" was jarring, almost forced? or was "to" meant to be "too"? But I do see marks of the creative process here... And rereading I get a better sense of what the situaton is.

      You do some beautiful things with language, but IMHO the essence behind the stuff makes me feel the words "up front" are a thin veneer. If you wanted to listen to my line of critique and reasoning, you might just try to polish what you see.

      But the disparities arise between what people see and feel and know. I just feel that the ending did not show a true 'characterization' of you, having grown through these "experiences", with the reply of... after these experiences I learned I was insane to be so kind. I feel it could be deeper, and thus somehow truer.

      But I am one among us all.