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Fear

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  • Fear

    Will there be another day tomorrow?
    Escaping this empty feel, and sorrow,
    The sound of silence creeping in,
    Don't know when it will begin.

    The sadness we share, and the burden we bear,
    the past already forgotten, and the future we fear,
    Emptiness, coldness, filling the room,
    waiting for an impending doom.

    Slowly night is creeping in,
    and death begins to sing.
    Last edited by Ghostwriter; 01-25-2018, 02:19 PM.

  • #2
    I don't know how other people feel about this, but i liked the rhythm and the rhyme. A little nitpicky, but I figured I'd say ... "an" impending doom seems to me to overgeneralize and unstick what is personal from the poem. Could "an" be changed to "my" to have the same effect without the depersonalization of the 'article'?

    And I question about the use of "feel"; the net has brought us "feels". But still would not 'feeling' be more appropriate?

    These 2 were just things that stood out to me. And of course, there is always tomorrow. Unless of course you die. In which case much poetry has been written on that, too.

    So, when will 'what' begin? That's a good question! Kudos-- thanks for sharing, Ghostwriter.

    Love your name!

    Comment


    • Ghostwriter
      Ghostwriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thx for the feedback and i'm glad you've enjoyed the poem, but yeah I agree I wasn't a 100% happy with it, but I felt it was the best I could do at the time i'm going to keep on improving my work ^^

  • #3
    'and death begins to sing' almost a biblical feel to this, Ghostwriter. It made me think of the scene in the movie 'The Ten Commandments" with Charlton Heston and Yul Brynner where the fog comes for the first-born Egyptian children.

    Comment


    • Ghostwriter
      Ghostwriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Glad you liked it, I haven't seen that movie, but i'm going to check it out. Thx for the feedback

  • #4
    Hello Ghostwriter, The cold, cold song of the Grim reaper moans eerily through this one. Awaiting death in fine poetry, no better way to wait it. I like this poem, very much so, I must say. Well done. Fond regards, Tony.

    Comment


    • Ghostwriter
      Ghostwriter commented
      Editing a comment
      I just want to say i'm not depressed, but I enjoy dark literature like Lovecraft and Edgar Allan Poe. I'm nowhere in the same league as them, but they are my main inspirations ^^
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