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  • Black branches

    BLACK BRANCHES

    Black branches against the sunlit snow
    Budding
    Back drop rooftop
    Shingles barely show
    Starlings crowd the red brick chimney
    Seeking the residual heat
    Then scatter with the gunshot in January

    RDS
    THE SECOND

  • #2
    This paints a peaceful winter picture
    I don't understand the "gunshot "

    Comment


    • The second
      The second commented
      Editing a comment
      forgive me rhymetime this poem is about depression and suicide. Thank you for commenting

  • #3
    The second, Gunshot to chase away the starlings? Or a random event happening nearby?

    I love the 2 lines which I think are fodder for Haiku.

    "Starlings crowd the red brick chimney
    Seeking the residual heat"
    Starlings crowd red brick
    Chimney seeking residual
    Heat - Moon is jealous

    Comment


    • The second
      The second commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Tanner! the gunshot is the act of selfishness the starlings just happened to be close enough to be startled

  • #4
    Very good visuals TS - I could definitely see it! Was the gunshot celebratory (in January some people celebrate turning the new year by shooting into the air)?

    Comment


    • The second
      The second commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you RLW! I wanted to capture sort of a synchronicity. the gunshot has a double celebratory meaning

  • #5
    mucho musical!

    Comment


    • The second
      The second commented
      Editing a comment
      Sorry amen somehow skipped to thank you so thank you

  • #6
    Quite peaceful and serene until bam the gunshot. Nicely done TS.

    Comment


    • The second
      The second commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you AL! thats exactly what i was trying to achieve

  • #7
    I liked the whole poem, complete with the gunshot, startling violence shattering serenity .


    Powerful.

    Comment


    • The second
      The second commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks so much Dwayne glad you liked!
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