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Wine by the Box

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  • Wine by the Box

    Gucci tennis shoes

    So expensive

    Lips and cheeks by Dr. So and So

    And so expensive.

    Wine by the box

    lampshade nightgowns

    A mysterious

    Bruise




    A fuck off text

    So convincing

    “I’m shocked you’d ask”

    And so convincing.




    Cold hearted, snake

    Cold hearted, honey

    Cold hearted, thaw.




    To the flame moth

    Gaslighting your new angle

    Spinning tangle

    The family show

    Holes in your Ralph Lauren heart cloth


  • #2
    I enjoyed that, but not sure how to put it into words. You did that well. Your ear seems especially attuned to te currents of modern conversation, set into a poetic tone ... bare ... unapologetic, really ... laced with sardonic, hissing wit.

    I just could feel the currents, upon reading about that "bruise". Kudos-- I enjoyed your piece.
    Last edited by amenOra; 12-29-2017, 04:24 AM.

    Comment


    • Sister Greed
      Sister Greed commented
      Editing a comment
      Ha, amenOra, I’m not sure how to put it into words! This was a writer’s prompt, I feel it needs a lot more finessing, but I decided to leave it ‘rough.’ I guess I wanted it to hiss some more! Thanks for your read and comments.

  • #3
    It’s not what it appears to be or does it? And how many superficial relationships are in this “spinning tangle”

    Comment


    • Sister Greed
      Sister Greed commented
      Editing a comment
      Yes, the subject of the poem is actually the spinning tangle as a result of the family and social relationships. I also became a part of it with a few favors done me, it almost looked so good. The wicked web of materialism! And what happens when you ask for what you want or need outright. Those are the family rules. I’m curious what else you read the poem as...
      Last edited by Sister Greed; 12-29-2017, 02:10 PM.

  • #4
    The price some pay to maintain a social status! Cleverly done and could apply to many with a tweak here and there.

    Comment


    • Sister Greed
      Sister Greed commented
      Editing a comment
      Mooneyblack, I’d love to see you tweak it! Suggestions are definitely exciting and welcome!

    • mooneyblack
      mooneyblack commented
      Editing a comment
      The only thing I'd tweak to make it even more accessible is 'A mysterious bruise' this speaks to me of physical domestic violence. I was thinking of some other measure of control that 'shackles' or fetters freedom of choice may be 'diamond cuff' / diamond shackle or just 'sparkling' as in it's not a real relationship - if you know what I mean - just a thought?

    • Sister Greed
      Sister Greed commented
      Editing a comment
      Yes, I love your idea Mooneyblack.

  • #5
    Sister this had me grinning it is laced with wit

    Comment


    • Sister Greed
      Sister Greed commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Parkinsonspoet! That’s an honor.

  • #6
    You had me at the title SG. I especially liked gaslighting your new angle - sounds like someone i know - all
    about appearances.

    Comment


    • Sister Greed
      Sister Greed commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks ATL. There’s one for all of us! A test of mental and emotional strength...
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