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False America

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  • False America

    Yellow-haired dictator
    The modern age creator
    Of an eternally severed state
    A new reality, so ghastly and fake

    When a voice promises hope
    The faith is hung by the rope
    Just another goddamn liar
    Kill us all, leave our bodies here
    Free to act on your own sick desire

    Make the agreement, sign the contract
    Already, our glorious world turns black
    Treat us like we're only dirt
    Make every living soul feel so hurt

    How in God's name can you stand there
    With that smile, while we live in despair?
    Purge everyone that you consider unfit
    Build a new, stable empire
    Only full of glitter and shit

    With these little stubby hands
    You shift the ground, remould the land
    Into something just for personal gain
    The implantation to our brain

    What used to be here, now long gone
    Tell me, what the fuck is going on?
    One day, your actions may incite war
    I feel this is the best solution because
    This is not my nation, anymore

    Democracy sinking to kakistocracy
    It forms a darker heart deep within me
    I used to believe but now my soul bleeds
    When there is now nothing real to see
    And this is all your fault, your grave error
    We are weighed down by this reign of terror
    It was your dream but now all hearts scream
    A grim dark future is far ahead of us now
    No saviour, no god, to come and set us free


    Every allegation made against you
    Somehow, they had only slipped through
    Your vision, your wishes, your damning speech
    The perfect bait for you to be impeached

    A history of concealed corruption and evil
    Tell me man, is this good for all our people?
    The face of the nation, a pure disgrace
    This new American way of life
    We won't embrace

    Burn down the flag if we are forced to
    If all it does is make us think of you
    The face of this nation, a pure fucking disgrace
    This new American way of life and death
    We will not embrace
    ~~~

    It has been a year since a certain individual, that we all love to hate for obvious reasons, was elected to take America by the throat which then led to countless incidents since he officially came into power. The anger portrayed here is a reflection to how everyone had been feeling since then and to be fair, I feel sorry for them. I really do. The original version that I did months ago was more profane and I had done my best to tone it down a bit. I hope everyone here can relate to this as much as myself that wrote it.
    Last edited by Bry89; 11-29-2017, 11:17 AM.

  • #2
    Hello Bry89, A difficult fellow to write or even speak about without being profane. One could use the complete dictionary of profanities to describe him and still fall short. As long as he doesn't get the law on his side, I think (hope) he'll trip. You have portrayed your feelings for this cold, bulling neoliberal narcissist with profound distain and in doing so gives me, an outsider, the knowing, that he is not of all America or Americans, a country and its people I have always admired since but a boy in short trousers, so, too, visited and enjoyed - its splendours, kindness and wholehearted welcomes. His, is not the America I choose to know. Thank you very much for this splendid poem. Al the very best, Tony.

    Comment


    • Bry89
      Bry89 commented
      Editing a comment
      Many thanks for the comment

  • #3
    Bry89, political poetry is interesting, especially if you’ve decided to be vague as to identity. Of course we all know. I wrote a poem called “Toupee Pigsty” That you might want to check out. We’ve essentially written about the same topic in very different ways. I like the vision you portray in your poem but it’s peppered with too many filler words...propositions mainly. If you look at this again with an editor’s eye and cut the propositions, your poem will flow like a thick river of desperation, which I’m proposing is your intention. Then your descriptors carry more weight. Try it. PS Would have liked to see the profanity version!!! Respectfully, Sister Greed.

    Comment


    • Bry89
      Bry89 commented
      Editing a comment
      Is this because I've made many references to him and what he's done? If so, that's what I intended it to be as and I didn't have time to make it appear more vague. And for the profanity version? Just more uses of the F-bomb :P

  • #4
    Yellow-haired dictator
    The modern age creator
    A new reality, ghastly and fake
    An eternally severed state

    A voice promises hope
    Faith hung by the rope
    Just another goddamn liar
    Kill us all, leave our bodies here
    Free to act
    Your own sick desire

    so I took out propositions: Of, to, so, the, etc. I call them weak words. It gives more weight to your power words. Faith hung by the rope. Just an idea. Keep in mind that’s my style. It may not be yours!

    Comment


    • Bry89
      Bry89 commented
      Editing a comment
      Sometimes I don't use propositions myself, and sometimes I do, depending on what writing style I go for. There are some that I've written that are almost devoid of them which are at the same time my most minimalistic works. From what you've done though, it doesn't sound right in my head. Also, why was the last line broken up into two separate verses? That just wrecks everything to me. But again, that's just your idea. I'll leave my version as it is, thank you

  • #5
    Cheers!

    Comment


    • #6
      Bry89, I reposted Toupee Pigsty for your enjoyment.

      Comment


      • #7
        Poetic articulation of the raw, unvarnished truth!

        Comment


        • Bry89
          Bry89 commented
          Editing a comment
          Indeed it is D:
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