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  • Ascension

    Deleted
    Last edited by grant hayes; 12-25-2017, 10:57 PM.

  • #2
    This reads to me as a life's journey - the changes and experiences described so beautifully as seasons pass and new realities replace the old. The ending brings me comfort - hoped for peace is attained. Thank you. I find it beautiful.

    Also, the structure and end rhyme make me smile.
    Last edited by RhymeLovingWriter; 11-25-2017, 06:44 PM.

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    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      Well, you are the *Rhyme* Loving Writer, so it behooves me to rhyme at least occasionally

  • #3
    Grant once again your light touch lifts the spirits this is an elegant read

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    • Parkinsonspoet
      Parkinsonspoet commented
      Editing a comment
      And a clever use of rhyme

    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      Spirit-lifting is a weighty task, Parkinsonspoet; one to which my strength is often unequal. That I have managed it here is most gratifying. Thank you!

  • #4
    A rhyming homage to the sun? Lovely structure and flow, grant!

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    • #5
      Nice rhyming Grant. I really enjoyed how each stanza expressed your title.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you, Alexandra. Each connects earth and heaven in its own way, but also marks a stage in a progress. That's about as long as I can rhyme; the feats of the rhymists on this forum, such as yourself, RhymeLovingWriter, and Tony Grannell, for instance, are quite beyond me.

    • #6
      To the sun, yes, indeed, Muttado, and thereby also to an individual human soul or a tree. In each stanza, I want to connect earth with heaven. I thought it might serve well as an epitaph.

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      • #7
        Beautiful, comforting and one to re-visit. Thank you.

        Comment


        • grant hayes
          grant hayes commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you, mooneyblack. It's nice to comfort rather than haunt, just for a change

      • #8
        Hello grant, To welcome the reader into each stanza with, in green of the stalk you climb the light, in fire of the root you ride the height, in wave of the shade you fly the bright, is just poetry beautiful and then to - all night, all buried, all reaching, elevates such beauty. To rise with such a vine, pulsates with the rhythm and spirituality of each verse - each verse, a bough, each line, a branch in the ascension to 'empire's powers' (the poem in its entirety). Superlative literature of a poetic bent. Fond regards, Tony.

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        • grant hayes
          grant hayes commented
          Editing a comment
          Tony, your generous appraisal is much appreciated. As I remarked to Alexandra above, I haven't your capacity for masterfully sustained rhyme; these nine lines are about as good as it gets for me. I am constrained to make a virtue of my limitations here, so opt for a fairly compact structure, girded with repetition.

      • #9
        The words read as pure as light. Among your masterpieces this is a masterpiece.

        Comment


        • #10
          lunar glide, thank you for such a lovely compliment. I like to think that this one has numerous applications. My initial impulse was to create an epitaph that could appeal across many shades of belief (or non-belief). But the context does not have to be mortuary. I sent this in a text to my daughter last night, just as a kind of general encouragement.

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          • #11
            The surgeon operates again!

            Rhyme fits perfectly here!


            Comment


            • grant hayes
              grant hayes commented
              Editing a comment
              Such tricky procedures are usually beyond my surgical capabilities, Dwayne. I'm not allowed to work on live bodies yet.

          • #12
            Grant, by far the most beautiful poem of yours I have had the pleasure to read. Your distillation of the elements into a perfect progression is breathtaking! If Hipparchus was a poet he would be you. This is alchemy of the highest order. Remember it was Hipparchus who discovered the precession of the equinoxes and compiled the first known star catalog. lunar glide is absolutely right - this is indeed a masterpiece, neigh - it is The Masterpiece in my opinion, the brightest star in the Highest Heaven. Neruda is turning in his grave with envy.

            Comment


            • grant hayes
              grant hayes commented
              Editing a comment
              Oh Tanner, you're making me blush. This doesn't hold a candle to Neruda, but I thank you for the deep compliment. The elements did end up arranging themselves rather fortuitously. As I remarked to Tony G, I have attempted here to make a virtue of my limitations. I am very pleased that this piece spoke to you, and that you found it special, Tanner; that means a lot to me.

          • #13
            Hey Grant. I love the power of this poem and the synchronicity of lines 1, 2, 3 amongst the three stances so you have stand alone phrasing. I hope that makes sense, the structure is like traditional sheet music with heavy ideology laid in. Love the complexity of Ascension laid out so simply.

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            • #14
              I'm pleased you find this piece has power in it, Sister Greed. I get your sense, no problem. I don't typically go in for such structure and rhyme as happens here, so I am glad it has come out 'right'. Many thanks for your compliment.

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              • #15
                I've read it thrice now and it resonates deeper each time. The rhyme scheme is perfect as is the emotional pull! Excellence as always, Grant.

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