Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I Go Out

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I Go Out


    I Go Out

    Upon a limb of exposition sat,
    with balance oh so slightly leaned to left,
    a captive, searching soul. With head bereft
    of vital skills of practiced diplomat,

    submerged in quest of longing, honed to pat
    of skittered feet on trail arising deft;
    each passersby, in sensing heavy cleft
    of mind, to wonder, pointed – how is that?

    For in soft hidden recess deeply plied
    upon sad face of one bled quick to dry,
    lay buried heaps repentant of dismay.
    Indeed might an observer, fresh espied,
    discover custody, with modest ply,
    upon a brief encounter on the way.


    Practicing Petrarchan sonnet form. It's been awhile - not sure I got the volta right.
    Last edited by RhymeLovingWriter; 11-08-2017, 03:13 PM. Reason: Changed S2L3 to read "in sensing" instead of "espying" since I wanted to keep espied in the last stanza.

  • #2
    The technical aspects are beyond me but I enjoyed this

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Jon - often they are beyond me too without studied, repeated, tweaked attempts! I appreciate your reading and leaving a comment.

  • #3
    A splendidly wrought exemplar of a very demanding form. And the beautiful structure compels the reader to keep turning and turning the piece, to comprehend the spark and heart that must be there. Patience is rewarded. Extraordinary, Rhymist; my feathered hat sweeps the ground.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Whoa - you have a feathered hat? That strikes me as a very cool thing to have. Many thanks for the look, like, and generous comments. I too, am still turning this a bit.

    • Johntee
      Johntee commented
      Editing a comment
      Like
      Sir Walter Raleigh's cape,
      Grant's feathered hat
      takes mythic shape.
      In fact painted, I think I see, bent low
      over straightened leg and pointed shoe,
      an arm-swept hat feather the dust.
      Cavalier gallantry attaints just such a show.
      Last edited by Johntee; 11-09-2017, 09:13 AM.

  • #4
    Striking, RLW! I think you have the structure working but I know you have the poem flowing.

    Comment


  • #5
    Let's talk about the message. Please elaborate Paula.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Hyperbolic word choices aside (used mostly to fit rhyme scheme and meter), it's a self reflection. In my experience, fondness for words guarantees no success at effective communication. Add such muddled expression to my routine thought process, in which I hold contrasting ideas about several subjects (because I am often reconsidering and recognize many sides), and I'm left some moments sad about my lack of both knowledge and skill in sharing what little I think I know. Yet on occasion, often right here in the Zone, someone who hardly knows me hones in on exactly what I thought I was trying to say.

      I hope that helps. It's an attempt, anyway, to explain what I think I was trying to say. Thanks for asking Bobby. How are things going with you?

  • #6
    Passing strange
    that each sense
    should say enough.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      I'm not sure I can intuit your intent here. Is it an ideal for which to strive? If so, in my own assessment, more often than not I miss that mark. Thankfully, I'm not one easily discouraged and find delivery and promised redemption in repeated attempts.

  • #7
    Such a skilful write Paula and your elaboration for Bobby adds to it all. I think you underestimate yourself - a talented lady.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      You are kind to say so - sometimes I wonder...

  • #8
    mooneyblack , from the moment Paula graced the zone she has committed herself to accomplished writing while staying humble and generous in the process. Here's to you Paula!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks Bobby. You are also kind to say so.

    • mooneyblack
      mooneyblack commented
      Editing a comment
      Well said! Cheers
Working...
X