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Over a barrell

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  • Over a barrell




    Death

    One word

    One purpose




    Can we get a handle on it

    Some will cry freedom

    Some cry for those ,lost




    As they roll out the barrel

    Bullet in a china shop

    Ricochet randomly kills




    Trigger finger points to death

    Tool with a hammer to fall

    Cocked as a rite. Right to life?




    Men claim for self protection

    Butt can they holster egos

    Or find the range to target




    Not fake news the headlines fire

    Full content of magazine

    Emptied as gun salutes murder




    One purpose

    One word

    Death
    Last edited by Parkinsonspoet; 11-07-2017, 04:33 PM.

  • #2
    Jon, you hit the target in the Bullseye with this poem. Clever lines across the board.

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    • #3
      Thank you I was prompted by the discussion in Tanners safety poem. I truly believe if America restricted guns more than it does less will die

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      • #4
        I like the way you've structured this Jon. I particularly like the 'rite/right' playing off each other. Smartly done.

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        • Parkinsonspoet
          Parkinsonspoet commented
          Editing a comment
          thank you and I am grateful for your comments, have been thinking of you recently. Hope you are okay

        • RhymeLovingWriter
          RhymeLovingWriter commented
          Editing a comment
          It's up and down - I'm pretty sure everyone follows a similar process in grief - just at his/her own pace. Am taking it one day at a time. Thank you for the kind thoughts and mention.

        • Parkinsonspoet
          Parkinsonspoet commented
          Editing a comment
          you take care

      • #5
        When I first read this, I was reading too closely, with focus on effects, and I failed to appreciate it fully. I have read it again, and it's as if scales have fallen off my eyes. From a step back, its power emerges; read aloud, it is a knockout. The puns and play on common phrases work with the rhythm to make a cogent poetic statement.Toppest of drawers, Parkinsonspoet.

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        • Parkinsonspoet
          Parkinsonspoet commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you. It is my response to the debate on Tanners Safety in America. I am always aware that my proclivity for puns has to stay in balance for a subject such as this. I thank you for such great feedback because I rejected phrases using pistol whipped, blanks, misfire and recoil because they didn't quite fit and I limited the number of stanza's as I felt making it too long counter productive. You provide confirmation my instincts were good

        • RhymeLovingWriter
          RhymeLovingWriter commented
          Editing a comment
          Your instincts were spot on.

      • #6
        Well said with wit making your points on target, Parkinsonspoet!

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        • Parkinsonspoet
          Parkinsonspoet commented
          Editing a comment
          thank you the target was all in this poem

      • #7
        Congratulations on tackling a difficult topic in a unique and powerful way - the way you open and close just demands attention

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        • Parkinsonspoet
          Parkinsonspoet commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you unfortunately the simple start and end is very true
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