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Bless the grey

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  • Bless the grey

    Deleted
    Last edited by grant hayes; 12-25-2017, 09:58 PM.

  • #2
    Very beautiful. Last stanza, slam dunk, I must say. The rain was nice, the pressure released.
    Kinda neat, the way this works. Reading over it, the rhythm is great, and the "depth" from its moving ideas... neat, clean, simple connections, simple cause and effect tied together in the middle stana.

    Dramatic depiction of your ending, as I can see/feel it.

    As the air was sliced Magenta rays dripped hot On steamy leaves And sweat rose to Heaven Finally released.

    At the end, 'god' is the one doing. Little G.
    Self-reinforcing god? Balance of Wisdom and Severity?

    Some musings. Thanks for sharing, much to digest and Enjoy. Kudos!

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for reading so intently, amenOra. This is one of those pieces that virtually wrote itself. I had images and a meaning in mind, but there are numerous ways it can be taken, and the ones I have come to like were not present to me when I formed it.

  • #3
    This reminded me of the gods the ancients made are not all that different from the gods man makes today.

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I have read the piece through the lens of your response, Alexandra, and I daresay I can see what you see.

  • #4
    the first stanza is especially stunning in beauty. the imagery just spellbinds and heightens my awareness perception and sensitivity to beauty. one of your loveliest shares i think.

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I am grateful to receive this appraisal from such a writer of beauties as you, lunar glide.

  • #5
    I found this somewhat distinct from your other works, and yet, still in your unique style.

    I was a little awestruck by the beauty of this write.

    I especially enjoyed the poetic elements at play here, the rhyme and diction.

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I am interested to hear that this is a somewhat atypical work for me, Dwayne. I know what you mean, but I am still not quite sure of what the difference consists. Maybe the weave of this piece is not so tight as others; its brevity is not yoked to a syllabic scheme.

  • #6
    In thunderheads
    the Thunderbird
    summoned by
    the thirsting land
    wanders high above
    man's sorrows
    takes and gives
    with even hand.

    Comment


    • #7
      That is a fine poem all of its own, Johntee. I like how it inflects my piece, but it can stand alone too. Maybe you could work it into something a bit longer?

      Comment


      • Johntee
        Johntee commented
        Editing a comment
        Length is
        not
        my strength.

    • #8
      I am not sure how to articulate it, but this just effected me differently.

      Often, the best poetry, moves you beyond words.

      Still tightly woven, but perhaps it is the fabric from which it is woven, that is softer.

      Moving without, garish sentimentality.

      That is the beauty of this piece of work.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        I've thought about it, Dwayne, and maybe the 'softer' tone you suggest stems from just a few words: 'bless' in the first stanza, 'joy' in the second, and 'loves' in the third. These words, with their tender associations, are placed within a context of burning, hammering, and battering, which perhaps heightens a sense of vulnerability. There's a juxtaposition of the tender and the forceful.

    • #9
      Grant, this poem is unbelievably beautiful, lyrical and spell binding, very hypnotic - the rhymes and near rhymes - the images wonderfully strewn about. This to me is one of your best poems, and certainly one of your most accessible short pieces. Your tightness of phrasing and compactness of imagery is Staggering. Tanner is gobsmacked by this brilliance.

      Comment


      • #10
        Thank you for such a warmly appreciative appraisal of this piece, Tanner; I am pleased it reached you and sang to you. Sometimes, I manage to play a few sweet notes. I will keep practicing so that I might play more.

        Comment


        • #11
          Grant to me this one achieves an excellent balance, reads beautifully, has thought behind it but it complexity does not frustrate it feels open. To me this is you at your best- Well crafted yet open to all.

          Comment


          • grant hayes
            grant hayes commented
            Editing a comment
            Thank you, Parkinsonspoet. You have played no small part in encouraging me to develop a more open, lyrical style.

        • #12
          Good point. This clarifies my visceral response to the piece.

          It is the juxtaposition of theses terms, that provides the force of this poem!

          That being said, all analysis aside, poetry, much like visual art, either moves you or it does not.

          Your work definitely moves me!

          Comment


          • grant hayes
            grant hayes commented
            Editing a comment
            The je ne sais quoi that moves is indeed elusive, Dwayne. The Tao.
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