Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Mortal Limbs

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Mortal Limbs

    *This was inspired as I was reading outside on a warm, windy autumn afternoon. I looked up and was fascinated at this brilliant bird who was just swirling through the air as leaves rushed to the ground around him. The magnificence of the bird's flight was enhanced by the contrasting leaves plummeting down, down, down, and I suddenly wished to feel that same majesty, defying the very nature of gravity with my effortless grace in flight as the leaves around me try, and fail, to glide on the wind as I do.

    Mortal Limbs


    These mortal limbs are limited,
    Limited from the sky.
    Gravity prohibited,
    Separating me from mine.
    I long to feel wind on my face,
    Rushing as I pass,
    Living through a vertical chase
    Instead of peering through this glass.

    My cape-like mane flowing behind,
    Majestic to the core.
    Ne’er again to the earth confined;
    I’m free forevermore.
    Leaves fall, but I stay above all,
    Soaring between the trees,
    Tasting clouds and dancing tall
    Up there with a dreamer’s ease.

    But a dream for me is not enough,
    I must with life proclaim,
    I must with birds be loosed and thus
    Be wild such as a flame.
    Watching them high, I know that nigh,
    That soon, the sky I’ll seize.
    Within my heart, “Someday,” I cry,
    “Someday I’ll touch that breeze.”

  • #2
    beautiful. the background of the piece accentuates it well. it has a hopeful feel to it, believing in impossible things.

    a lot of things in nature are like that. i remember wanting to plot the course of a bee, into a poem.

    such beauty we bring back from the other realms, to share and enrich experience.

    the beginning of the last stanza was great. i loved the way the third line rolled off tongue. And then stumbled a bit as i read the 4th line. might just be my ear right now, where i am or something.

    ...

    All in all this was nice, but i can't help but feel from gut reaction that more concrete imagery would help the piece. I could see the dream-lightness working well with some imagery of concreteness, something to sink my teeth into.

    my 2 cents. Kudos--

    Comment


    • Darthvader
      Darthvader commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you so much for reading and for your insight. I will give it another look over and see what I can change. Thanks!

  • #3
    A flight of fancy for the flightless. Nicely expressed dream, Darthvader. The explanation set it off well, as would a picture of the scene. For some reason it made me think of a line from the old Triumph song ‘Magic Power’: ‘She's young now, she's wild now, she wants to be free’. Thanks.
    Last edited by Muttado1sb; 11-02-2017, 09:07 PM.

    Comment


    • #4
      Muttado1sb I think you have me mistaken for someone else. All the same, thank you so much for reading and commenting!!!

      Comment


      • Muttado1sb
        Muttado1sb commented
        Editing a comment
        My apologies. I don't know how I messed that up. I guess I shouldn't be writing comments when I should be sleeping. But it is a wonderful read, thanks!

    • #5
      Ok what's up

      Comment

      Working...
      X