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Dusk

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  • #1

    Dusk


    Dusk


    nestled among backdropped rays
    sun of autumn downed last count of day
    heat still mettled breath with rise and fall of life
    pushed out
    sucked in
    step on step
    pathways passed in yesteryears appeared
    with hopeful hum hearts leapt in prayer

    we lingered there

    farther on where night wept ink
    we did not stop to think or even pause
    we knew the way to where we’d started
    Tags: None
    • Likes 7
  • #2
    Beautiful poem beautiful imagery!
    • Likes 1

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  • #3
    Wonderful musicality and evocation of mood in this, Rhymist, with zestacious phrases: mettled breath, night wept ink ... and weaving of devices.
    • Likes 1

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    • RhymeLovingWriter
      #3.1
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      09-25-2017, 07:04 PM
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Grant. I was working on my "showing not telling" skills. I tried to just be in the moment instead of write about it. Does that make sense?
    • grant hayes
      #3.2
      grant hayes commented
      09-25-2017, 07:08 PM
      Editing a comment
      Yes, it makes sense; your 'in the moment' moments have paid off.
  • #4
    This is beautiful to me Thank You!!!!!!
    • Likes 1

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    • RhymeLovingWriter
      #4.1
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      09-26-2017, 04:41 PM
      Editing a comment
      Thank you TS. Your works are the same to me.
  • #5
    Evokes such beautiful feelings. Quite a treasure.
    • Likes 1

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    • RhymeLovingWriter
      #5.1
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      09-26-2017, 06:06 PM
      Editing a comment
      Again, many thanks Alex. It brings good thoughts and feelings to mind for me too. I'm glad it came across that way.
  • #6
    one of my favorites. night wept ink is perfect.
    • Likes 1

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    • RhymeLovingWriter
      #6.1
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      09-26-2017, 08:58 PM
      Editing a comment
      Thank you LG - that's one of my favorite phrases too!
  • #7
    we lingered there

    we knew the way to where we’d started

    LOVE.


    RhymeLovingWriter
    ​​​​​​​

    My favorite time - dusk.
    One of my favorite words - linger.

    You got me, Paula. Thank you.
    • Likes 1

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    • RhymeLovingWriter
      #7.1
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      09-27-2017, 04:12 PM
      Editing a comment
      Sweet! So happy to hear this Suz-zen. Hope all is well as I've been missing seeing your beautiful work in the queue.
  • #8
    What is the shape that this poem forms? Looks like the letter I! Great work once again!
    • Likes 1

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    • RhymeLovingWriter
      #8.1
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      09-30-2017, 05:25 AM
      Editing a comment
      Well, I'd have to agree micworthy9509 - though it wasn't intentionally done. I just used the centering format function because I didn't want it right justified and that's how it came out! Thank you for checking it out and leaving a comment.
  • #9
    RLW, Oh Boy, did you nail the topic here! Lovely write. I like your comment re "showing not telling skills" and I see that Grant has already snatched my favourite phrases.
    • Likes 1

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