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  • My learning

    Deleted
    Last edited by grant hayes; 12-20-2017, 03:53 PM.

  • #2
    Note: In the first line, fan functions as a verb (infinitive), and he-bird as an adverb. Gah! I've split an infinitive

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    • #3
      that's very beautiful, it's definitely a challenge to decipher. And where I last left off, there was the shape of things like something behind everything, like a certain movement but just a shape, how expressed, like through the pipes something sounded.

      recognition and irrecognition. erm.

      lovely piece. end almost sounds naughty lol!

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        I like your account of the 'shape' you felt behind it all, amenOra. I was going to title it 'Juggling', as an index to its imagery, but - probably unwisely - excerpted a line from the piece itself, my usual practice.

        Basically it's juggling the shreds of one's knowledge, out of a perceived pressure to impress, to give the semblance of a worldview, and then making humour from the inevitable fumbling - from acrobat to clown act - as if that were the plan all along.

        That's not what I *expect* others to see in it; it's simply the catalyst for the form of words, which then takes on its own life.

    • #4
      I love when masters can still learn it only leads to more beauty

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      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        I am learning, the second, though this piece might well seem a retrograde step from progress Thank you for stopping by to read, poet.

    • #5
      I confess that I'm lost but intrigued.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        That's fine by me, mooneyblack. I think this one is probably too demanding at the very start, in terms of the syntax, which then makes it difficult to find one's feet for what follows, not that it's all that straightforward then either. For my part, I like the way this piece tightly encodes a particular fragment of experience. I realise it's not a very 'open' piece. Thank you for letting it intrigue you

    • #6
      harried strut of charms--------- Chaste support spells
      the scraps of learning -----------potency of mind
      tumble up in armfuls

      orbits brief as bubbles ---------Tears find
      ape a potable world -------------the blink of an eye

      mark my studied stumble ----A banana-skin
      up the lip of your curse -------for a malediction

      may lunge for laughs atone --No joke survives
      for the broken circle ------------dissection
      Last edited by Johntee; 09-20-2017, 08:04 AM.

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      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        I really like your parallel poetic gloss down the right hand side, Johntee; or, the re-purposing of my piece as a kind of trellis for yours. Who glosses whom, indeed.

    • #7
      Admittedly, this took a few reads to comprehend, and still, each read arrives at a different conclusion.

      As always, you do not waste a word.

      The poem, at least in my estimation, is about the struggle to convey eloquence, only to realize how little of the vast pool of intelligence, one may glean in a lifetime.

      I must admit a fixation with the last 2 stanzas.
      The blatant truth they project!

      We are accustomed to having everything laid out before us, requiring little effort to comprehend.

      What is great about this piece, and frankly your work in general, is that brevity does not give way to vacuousness.

      Just because you do not give us everything, does NOT mean that you have given us nothing!

      There is much conveyed, with your surgical diction, both on the lines, and between them.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        It is indeed about the struggle to convey eloquence, Dwayne; it models the very thing, come to think of it. I am glad you find that my brevity does not empty to a vanishing point.

        Yes, what is implied is as at least as important as what is asserted. It took me a long time to learn this, and longer still to make use of it. And little words can often cast their ripples farthest.

    • #8
      A master - expressing humility - I like it.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        What? Where?

    • #9
      Interesting has provoked some thoughts that may turn into poem.The title is just right giving a clue to direction with a good mix of clarity and food for thought. I have also benefitted from explanations given here.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        The poem you came up with is a beauty, Parkinsonspoet!

      • Parkinsonspoet
        Parkinsonspoet commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you Grant. Another interesting thought if I didn't have to think to digest your poem my brain may never have gone off on the tangent that produced the idea

    • #10
      Not a gloss, look upon it
      more as a mechanical transliteration,
      Google's AI perhaps.

      Comment


      • #11
        Ah, algorithms shall replace us all, Johntee; they shall calculate themselves in peace and the material universe will become one with the pleroma.

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        • #12
          I must admit I'm lost and confused .. . but as always fascinated. From our previous conversations grant hayes you know how much I enjoy reading your 'pleasantly enigmatic' poetry. This one is a 'poetic hieroglyphic'!

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          • #13
            Lost and confused by my writing? That qualifies you for membership in a populous club, Rhymeboy. Most people are also lost and confused by hieroglyphics, which, it so happens, I am able to decipher fluently. Perhaps that capacity has had a deleterious effect on my attempts at verse.

            Comment


            • #14
              Like a displaying peacock, but showing off what with it knows, unintentionally showing its limitations. I like this more with each read, grant, even if I misread the intention. (Now to read the comments section).

              Comment


              • Johntee
                Johntee commented
                Editing a comment
                Ah! Now, the eyes of a peacock's tail
                fit well all that went before may lunge.
                What melange contains the laughing trailer?

              • Muttado1sb
                Muttado1sb commented
                Editing a comment
                The unintentional display of limitation. Crude example: 'Everyone knows babies are delivered by storks, but did you know boy babies are delivered by blue storks and girl babies are delivered by pink storks? See how smart I am to know that!' Or crude example two: 'See how smooth I am as I pull this tablecloth out from under the dishes. Swoop, crash, oops!' Try to impress but instead make a fool of oneself. Scale those to situations like trying to impress someone to arrange a first date or during a job interview.
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