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And When Dawn Comes

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  • And When Dawn Comes



    And When Dawn Comes


    I brooded a bit when you left today…after goodbyes.
    “ No need to drip tears,” I said, to no one and no avail.
    Down they dribbled through the frowns.

    I meant to turn around the blues, for beauty’s sake,
    but could not fake a happy sound. Besides the pounding
    pulse against the coming empty night…all was not right.

    At last the moping wore itself away. At close of day,
    each restless toss turned me, metronomic as the
    mantle clock. “This day was wasted,” came the claim.

    How could I blame this mother’s heart? Do we not
    start our journeys hoping for this day, when you, away,
    embrace each new horizon with a confidence well-placed?

    The steps we paced, the sacrifice, the love we wear with
    heart on sleeve. Yet still we grieve…the pretties of the past,
    knowing only moments now, of bold release.

  • #2
    The inner voice
    can convince.
    Evidence shows
    it turns
    a friendly ear
    to sad thoughts
    and helps to bear.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      It does that. And dawn's light helps too.

  • #3
    Emotive right, laden with truth.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you DWAYNE. Yes, this one captured the feeling as I lived it.

  • #4
    You truly did capture the emotions -- I could feel it.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Alexandra. That means a lot.

  • #5
    this is so true and so well executed

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Jon - another beautiful comment from a man who has written beautifully about his own children.

  • #6
    A mother's love for her child is hard to hold back when they head out on their own. You very wonderfully displayed that here, RLW!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Muttado1sb - no holding back, but it does change in the way we display it once they become adults (or nearly so).

  • #7
    excellent RLW. the emotion is conveyed skillfully. I only think one phrase " heart on sleeve" could be stated more inventively? not to criticize because overall i think you really have a special poem with this one

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you LG - yes, even as I wrote that I thought 'this is so cliche' and then I thought - this is so me. If I do change that it will likely also change 'grieve' because of the internal rhyming, so I'll have to think on it a bit. I appreciate your comments always - and am glad that the emotion came through for you.
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