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  • Between

    Between


    avalanche of sounds
    (four young minds, bodies, souls
    space crammed techno-din)

    chasm

    quiet sundown tide
    (two decades-blessed companions
    rapt in silent bliss)

  • #2
    I don't know how I missed this one Paula. I like the format and how you lead us. Well done!!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Alex. I was just ruminating on my day!

  • #3
    A full picture with a remarkable economy of words: a brisk and vivid capture, Rhymist. The forte and the pianissimo are tangible.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks Grant. That's kind of how my day felt yesterday. Perhaps a bit toward the melodramatic, but I consider any exaggeration to be 'poetic license'.

  • #4
    Such a stark contrast brilliantly crafted. Thank you

    Comment


  • #5
    Youth to age.
    Find forbearing
    despair for it.
    They too will
    one day fit
    its crooked
    frame

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      No despair Johntee - it's just life and its contrasts. Two days out it's but a distant memory (until next time).

  • #6
    I do not know your intent but I can share my vision.

    Youth is full of noise (mental, emotional, hormonal). We frantically search for an unknown treasure
    Middle years bring us a settled contentment. The noise, though there, is a distant echo.
    In the end, we listen to that which is now distinctive. We hear the music that has always been there. At last, we hear the music.
    Last edited by rhymetime; 08-12-2017, 04:15 PM.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      This is a very good vision - more broad in scope than I managed to do.

      Mine was a reaction to a couple of days with four grandchildren (ages 14-7), all with tablets that have games - each playing, sometimes together, sometimes separately - and all of the attendant sounds. Juxtapose that with the moment I've walked in the door after returning them to their own home.

      I love their energy, and after eight to nine hours of it, I love the quiet too!

    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      I know that quiet. Several times a year the entire family descends upon me- children (4), spouses (may vary), grandchildren (5). They usually stay a week. Thier visit is great, but their leaving is such SWEET sorrow. I am older and love my quiet. I understand your verse in that light

  • #7
    Nicely structured, RLW!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Muttado1sb. I was hoping the structure would help impart or at least mirror the message.
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