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Season of Mourning (part 1)

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  • Season of Mourning (part 1)

    Please see Season of Mourning prelude

    Comes autumn, to me, enshrouded;
    in dreams of loss surrounded.
    Clawed despair rips at my heart
    and I am torn asunder.

    The burning pyre of ancient ships
    beyond my longing vision slips.
    The hope I seek where sky meets sea
    is a lifeless, black horizon.

    Left without verses, life without rhyme,
    life without living, life lived in mime.
    My companion (self-pity) and I ensnared
    in the ecstasy of misery.

    There do we languish in torment of mind,
    begging tomorrow to leave us behind.
    Tomorrow’s a demon, and we cannot
    circumvent its insidious attack.


    I'm thinking about the last 2 lines

    Tomorrow's a demon, we can't circumvent
    Its insidious attack.
    Last edited by rhymetime; 08-11-2017, 02:45 PM.

  • #2
    A bleak, sorrowful season it can be, rhymetime! I like how you are forming this. It carries the story of the poem well.

    Comment


    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      Your comments mean a lot to me. Just that you read means a lot.

      Thank you

  • #3
    Does Part 2 continue on from Tomorrows a demon. . ?
    I would find the line unhandy with circumvent
    and insidious, but then I'd prefer it to break with
    form and actually rhyme across the last two lines
    to give a sense of ending. But, that's just me.

    Comment


    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      part 2 is not yet written. thank you for your thoughts. I will most certainly consider them as the thought process continues.
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