Goodnight

[N. Y. Sonnet]

Now sets the sun, and Night’s begun,
As weary Twilight fades
The stately stars, they mount the stage
In heavenly parades
For Old Time’s knell doth toll farewell—
And thus I must bid thee
But with fair Dawn I’ll come anon
So wait the morn for me


A short poem I made up on the spot whilst saying goodnight/goodbye to some of my friends for the summer. Any suggestions for improvement are welcome!

[grant hayes]

A clever, charming way to bid farewell, N Y Sonnet; a layperson could easily mistake this for a quote from Shakespeare.

Describing twilight as 'dusky' is redundant, surely, since dusk and twilight are synonymous. I'd suggest you pick a descriptor that is neither tautological nor obvious.

[N. Y. Sonnet]

You are so right! I forgot that twilight/dusk were the same, so thank you for pointing it out to me! Hmmm... I shall have to think a while to find a replacement... Any suggestions?

[grant hayes]

Maybe a word that personalises twilight? Bashful? Pensive? Tender? Wary? Weary? Mindful?

[N. Y. Sonnet]

Weary Twilight!!! I love that! Though, I also really like pensive... I think I'll go with weary Twilight. A brilliant idea!

[Suz-zen]

The stately stars, they mount the stage <<< really like this line!!

[N. Y. Sonnet]

Thanks! That one was fun to come up with!

[AlexandratheLate]

Made me smile as it reminds me of Shakespeare's writing. Nicely done!!

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Sealed with the 'double kiss, one to each cheek (I'm sure there's a proper name for it, but I never learned it), and it is a striking farewell.