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I like the brave concision of the first poem. The idea of a star passing is very powerful, because 'passing' can refer to both movement and death. Not so 'drifting', although that version is perhaps more musical.
The 'high up in the paved clouds' is beautiful, but it lacks the power of the eight syllable wonder.
Thanks, that puts things in perspective. Different viewpoint. And the last part, in conjunct, too, Reminds me.
I would like you to read my poems. I am on Hymn to Hypatia IV, less than half way done. Would you prefer hearing me speak them, acting them out, or Reading, a presentation? .DOC or .PDF? lol, assuming you have the time. It means a lot to me. Especially the third part!
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