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  • expose'd

    is it the star
    or cloud
    passing

    ----or----

    is it the star
    drifting
    or the cloud
    ​​​​
    Last edited by amenOra; 05-29-2017, 04:43 PM.

  • #2
    Bullseye!

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    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks, Grant. This was from my Facebook status, from last year. Astronomie Dominie? I am never sure! Goode that way!

      Here is another one, less formal... from more than 5 years ago...

      High up in the pave'd clouds,
      The tip of each wing fixed
      To the only stars
      Still
      Shining.
      Last edited by amenOra; 05-29-2017, 04:39 PM.

    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I like the brave concision of the first poem. The idea of a star passing is very powerful, because 'passing' can refer to both movement and death. Not so 'drifting', although that version is perhaps more musical.

      The 'high up in the paved clouds' is beautiful, but it lacks the power of the eight syllable wonder.

  • #3
    Thanks, that puts things in perspective. Different viewpoint. And the last part, in conjunct, too, Reminds me.

    I would like you to read my poems. I am on Hymn to Hypatia IV, less than half way done. Would you prefer hearing me speak them, acting them out, or Reading, a presentation? .DOC or .PDF? lol, assuming you have the time. It means a lot to me. Especially the third part!

    Regardless, you have my thankse!

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    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I shall read the third Hypatia. I must brace myself; these hymns are vast motets and polyphonies, and I am used to mere whistling in the dark.

  • #4
    I am with grant ! Dead center !
    this is something I can look at and feel and touch and roll around in my mind all day.

    amenOra Thank you for sharing

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