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The Mysterious Garden

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  • The Mysterious Garden

    Upon reflection
    I feel that a numinous force far beyond
    Human knowing
    Lies at the taproot
    of all

    When we look around
    We see parterres fountains and labyrinths
    Statuary of mythological figures

    Awash in a mysterious garden
    Of careful symmetry and considerable design
    Jardin á la française

    We are small stalks of frozen light
    Luminous tendrils
    That twirl slowly in the celestial winds
    Of space and time
    Last edited by Tanner; 05-28-2017, 05:20 PM.

  • #2
    There are two words in this fine reverie at which I would cavil: 'emptiness' in stanza one, and 'only' in stanza four.

    In the first case, I wonder if there is a more concrete, more suggestive word than the blunt abstraction of 'emptiness'.

    In the second case, I feel that the reader could be left to draw their own inference about being a cold-lit, luminous tendril. What may be 'only' to some may seem wondrous to others. Let the uncertainty work magic.


    • #3
      Ah, Grant, You catch Tanner again in word choice laziness. Emptiness will be replace. As well, only is an emptiness itself as well. I will get thinking. Thank you, as always, for exposing my banality at times.


      • #4
        You, of course, had me at the first line,
        but that last paragraph, is one if the best you have written!