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Pink moon: posted for Suzzen Need help on last two lines

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  • Pink moon: posted for Suzzen Need help on last two lines

    Pink moon

    Should I capture the warm rays of the sun
    the light would dim and fade next to your smile
    Like the blush of a rose, pink moon is spun
    Perfect, like your enigmatic profile

    Were I able to shorten the distance
    Between your tender heart and my deep wounds
    Renewal would fill my sole existence
    Like beautiful bright pink phlox in full bloom

    sadly the distance is too far to breach
    So alone I'll gaze upon your beauty
    Resigned that such a love is out of reach
    As the moon, you are bound by your duty

  • #2
    This was written years ago before I would finish my sonnets. Suzzen' s lovely poem reminded me of mine but mine is incomplete and not as polished as hers. Suggestions would be appreciated.


    • #3
      You are wrong. This tells a different story than Suzzen's, yet one as complete and beautiful. Actually made me cry
      Perfect as is


      • AlexandratheLate
        AlexandratheLate commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you so much Rhymetime for your graciousness.