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  • Annuit cœptis?

    Deleted
    Last edited by grant hayes; 12-25-2017, 08:12 PM.

  • #2
    Amended version of a piece shared about ten months ago.

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    • #3
      First of all, I am very grateful to my browser extension, which pops up word definitions when I double click on them!
      ---
      What I love most about this is raw power of your words, Grant. I will not pretend that I am capable of understanding your intended meaning, but simply reading this out loud gives me shivers. I especially love the last stanza.

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      • #4
        Hi Anatoliy. This is an attempt to depict humanity - the dread-veined slaves of heat - from the perspective of a powerful entity of angelic or godlike nature, external to the world, charged with a kind of pastoral care. The interval of time involved - between an ice age and a comet impact - is beheld all at once by this entity, and the range of human activity is compressed radically to encompass everything from the advent of speech to the relics of civilisation, even hinting at the power of the bomb (craters - echoes the comet-to-come). Humanity is characterised as a young tree torn from its roots and going about inverted, an image not only preposterous but also revealing - of the nature of the human mind, sending roots into the heavens. The second last stanza attempts to encapsulate human striving for understanding and transcendence, depicting the results of this quest as the ballast for a cosmic voyage that will never happen. The entity takes stock of the task set before him, posing rhetorical questions in the final stanza.

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        • AnatoliyS
          AnatoliyS commented
          Editing a comment
          When a book of your poems gets published, I hope the editor includes such introductions, aiding the reader to appreciate your work as much as it surely deserves.

      • #5
        ''They favor our undertakings'' (I didn't know you could have a reverse side on a Great Seal.) I read this with great feeling, grant. I understood man's strivings in the general, though not in the detail, and allowed myself to become lost in the words. Your command of language is evident again.

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        • grant hayes
          grant hayes commented
          Editing a comment
          Ah, language, that unruly regiment!

          You are always welcome to wander among my words, Muttado.

      • #6
        I grasp at it - and still am in awe of your wordsmithing. I can't even conceptualize something like this, much less attempt to convey it. Thank you for sharing your gift and expanding my thoughts.

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        • #7
          Thank you for the gracious compliments, Rhymist. I have moved away from this kind of macro-sweep in recent pieces, opting instead for a more lyrical, personal tone. This one appeals to me more than the others of its ilk, and I have tinkered with it to its betterment, I think.

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          • RhymeLovingWriter
            RhymeLovingWriter commented
            Editing a comment
            I agree - and I enjoy either style equally - though this type gives me more of a challenge because of my own limitations. To be able to diversify is a gift. To be able to do so at the depth you display requires a practiced and skillful hand. I'm glad you've chosen the Zone for gifting.

        • #8
          I thought you are talking about Trump's speech last night. (afterall it was positive 😉)
          Last edited by imrogue; 03-01-2017, 06:00 AM.

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          • grant hayes
            grant hayes commented
            Editing a comment
            Yes, he managed to read from the autocue with a modicum of competence.

        • #9
          The lyrical appeals to my childish palate, but when I want to contemplate something greater no one writes on such topics like you!

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          • grant hayes
            grant hayes commented
            Editing a comment
            I am enjoying being more childish, lunar glide. In terms of my collection of pieces, this one has hovered between the place of exile and the canon of acceptables. A bit of tinkering has kept it in the latter.

        • #10
          yes, seems 'clipped'. and not sure what I could add, the tone is great, throughout, and the ending well executed. kudos, friend.

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          • #11
            Thank you, amenOra; I thought you might enjoy this one.

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            • #12
              This whole piece is outstanding!

              That last phrase, an inquisition we should all make!

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              • grant hayes
                grant hayes commented
                Editing a comment
                Thank you, Dwayne; I'm pleased it spoke to you.

            • #13
              Seriously, Grant this is a marvelous piece! out of this world 😊❤️ I liked the imagery especially the inverted tree! I loved the metaphors!

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              • grant hayes
                grant hayes commented
                Editing a comment
                Ah, bless you, imrogue.

            • #14
              Apologise for plagiarism but Zesta

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              • grant hayes
                grant hayes commented
                Editing a comment
                You are welcome to use it, Parkinsonspoet. I plagiarised it myself, from an eccentric publisher with whom I corresponded for a time.

            • #15
              This hieroglyph is way beyond Tanner's pay grade. As usual, I am intoxicated by your language but am overwhelmed by its totality.

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