Emergency

[Bry89]

Critical state
Holding on
Holding on to dear life
Holding on
On the floor
Face down on the floor
Gasping for air
Clenching in pain
Empty words, would you care?
Would you even care?
Would you even care?
To save me, spare me
To let me die?

Time is running out
I'm still holding on
Holding on to dear life
Holding on
Try to hold on
Struggling to hold on
Immobile
Paranoid
I can't get up
It's not my fault
That I'm this way
But I know in my mind
I know in my heart
My screaming heart
That I will not give up
I demand your help
I demand all your help
Save me, spare me
Or just leave me to die

Time is running out
Save me now, spare my life
Time's running away
Save my life, don't let me die
Time is killing me
Save me now, don't make me bleed
Any further
Time is slowly killing me
Save my life, spare my life
Save my goddamn life
Don't leave me to bleed
Don't leave me to suffer
Don't leave me to die alone
Don't ever leave me to die

Emergency
Give it to me
Emergency
Save me, spare me

Don't let me die
Please, don't let me die
Don't let me die...
Don't... let me die...
Don't... ever... leave me...
...to die
~~~

The worst state anyone does not want to suffer with... especially me, where I've had my own emergencies and I have to say, I'm thankful to be alive.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

This is the rawest of emotion Bry89 - a cry to live. It strikes my heart.

[Muttado1sb]

You feel the raw desperation and determination, Bry, well written! But I am confused by the two lines ''To let me to die'' and ''Or just leave me to die'' as they seem to contradict everything else here.

[Bry89]

Oh... I didn't think there was an issue with that. Feel free to suggest a little fix for these if you want.

[Muttado1sb]

I see them as contradictions because the rest of the poem, almost every other line, is saying ''I don't want to die.''

The first line, though, is part of a question of the other's actions, so it could work by adding ''Or'' to the front, though that takes away from the flow. But hopefully you see what I mean.

The second line is part of a demand, so for someone who is saying they don't want to die it was jarring to me. ''Don't just leave me to die!'' works better for me.

Just my two cents, since you asked. It is very good poem as is anyway. Thanks

[AnatoliyS]

Your poems are crying to be joined with music, Bry! Most of what you write would work really well as song lyrics. I've been playing guitar 12 times longer than I've been writing poems, and I just want to grab my instrument and sing what you wrote here. 2nd and 3rd stanzas in particular grab my attention as great song lyrics - verse and chorus.

[AnatoliyS]

Most electronic music I like is from the 70s and 80s and is not aggressive enough to work for this poem. I cannot imagine it with Tangerine Dream (maybe their early psychedelic works). Have you ever listened to Venetian Snares? I could imagine it working with one of his albums, this is a good example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcGp...peK1GDN5BPNylp

It's been about 6 years now since I quit experimenting with electronic music. This track would still be not aggressive enough (maybe the ending part, starting at 2:30, written in 7/8 - uneven rhythm might express the failing heart, but the melody is more reminiscent of recovery): https://soundcloud.com/anatoliy-schn...ider-something

What band/song do you have in mind working for this poem?

[Bry89]

Well, maybe not an aggressive manner for this one but something like this I suppose > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjBOmfE2ZzA (well, for the first half of it anyway). For artists/bands that could work with this, I don't really know to be honest.

[AnatoliyS]

Well, not necessarily my style of music, but I can say that your lyrics are definitely more thoughtful than what I heard upon following that link.