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  • Emergency

    Critical state
    Holding on
    Holding on to dear life
    Holding on
    On the floor
    Face down on the floor
    Gasping for air
    Clenching in pain
    Empty words, would you care?
    Would you even care?
    Would you even care?
    To save me, spare me
    To let me die?

    Time is running out
    I'm still holding on
    Holding on to dear life
    Holding on
    Try to hold on
    Struggling to hold on
    Immobile
    Paranoid
    I can't get up
    It's not my fault
    That I'm this way
    But I know in my mind
    I know in my heart
    My screaming heart
    That I will not give up
    I demand your help
    I demand all your help
    Save me, spare me
    Or just leave me to die

    Time is running out
    Save me now, spare my life
    Time's running away
    Save my life, don't let me die
    Time is killing me
    Save me now, don't make me bleed
    Any further
    Time is slowly killing me
    Save my life, spare my life
    Save my goddamn life
    Don't leave me to bleed
    Don't leave me to suffer
    Don't leave me to die alone
    Don't ever leave me to die


    Emergency
    Give it to me
    Emergency
    Save me, spare me

    Don't let me die
    Please, don't let me die
    Don't let me die...
    Don't... let me die...
    Don't... ever... leave me...
    ...to die
    ~~~

    The worst state anyone does not want to suffer with... especially me, where I've had my own emergencies and I have to say, I'm thankful to be alive.

  • #2
    This is the rawest of emotion Bry89 - a cry to live. It strikes my heart.

    Comment


    • #3
      You feel the raw desperation and determination, Bry, well written! But I am confused by the two lines ''To let me to die'' and ''Or just leave me to die'' as they seem to contradict everything else here.
      Last edited by Muttado1sb; 02-26-2017, 08:57 PM.

      Comment


      • Bry89
        Bry89 commented
        Editing a comment
        Oh... I didn't think there was an issue with that. Feel free to suggest a little fix for these if you want.

      • Muttado1sb
        Muttado1sb commented
        Editing a comment
        I see them as contradictions because the rest of the poem, almost every other line, is saying ''I don't want to die.''

        The first line, though, is part of a question of the other's actions, so it could work by adding ''Or'' to the front, though that takes away from the flow. But hopefully you see what I mean.

        The second line is part of a demand, so for someone who is saying they don't want to die it was jarring to me. ''Don't just leave me to die!'' works better for me.

        Just my two cents, since you asked. It is very good poem as is anyway. Thanks

    • #4
      Your poems are crying to be joined with music, Bry! Most of what you write would work really well as song lyrics. I've been playing guitar 12 times longer than I've been writing poems, and I just want to grab my instrument and sing what you wrote here. 2nd and 3rd stanzas in particular grab my attention as great song lyrics - verse and chorus.

      Comment


      • AnatoliyS
        AnatoliyS commented
        Editing a comment
        Most electronic music I like is from the 70s and 80s and is not aggressive enough to work for this poem. I cannot imagine it with Tangerine Dream (maybe their early psychedelic works). Have you ever listened to Venetian Snares? I could imagine it working with one of his albums, this is a good example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcGp...peK1GDN5BPNylp

        It's been about 6 years now since I quit experimenting with electronic music. This track would still be not aggressive enough (maybe the ending part, starting at 2:30, written in 7/8 - uneven rhythm might express the failing heart, but the melody is more reminiscent of recovery): https://soundcloud.com/anatoliy-schn...ider-something

        What band/song do you have in mind working for this poem?

      • Bry89
        Bry89 commented
        Editing a comment
        Well, maybe not an aggressive manner for this one but something like this I suppose > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjBOmfE2ZzA (well, for the first half of it anyway). For artists/bands that could work with this, I don't really know to be honest.

      • AnatoliyS
        AnatoliyS commented
        Editing a comment
        Well, not necessarily my style of music, but I can say that your lyrics are definitely more thoughtful than what I heard upon following that link.
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