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  • Blue Eyes

    A ray of golden light
    is more precious than the sun itself
    when it beams
    from your blue eyes.

    For even when drowsiness
    smudges seas starless
    and fogs the moon from windows
    sleep slumbers powerlessly
    against the bliss
    of your glances.

    In my eyes your eyes
    flicker like compasses
    beneficent torches
    lighting the terraced steps
    to my dreams
    wherein another starry night opens
    with truer links between us
    and more infinite sky. (less elastic)
    Last edited by lunar glide; 01-25-2017, 12:18 PM.

  • #2
    Captivating write. Sounds like an entrancing gaze, lunar glide. Be care full with those ones 😉😉

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      Yes...thank you for the wise observation ☺

  • #3
    Exquisite! I love the first verse. I love that this could apply to anyone- a lover, a child, a parent even someone glimpsed for only a moment

    Thank you

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      I appreciate that Rhymetime! You found the essence of what i wanted to write.

  • #4
    Mine are blue but my wife or anyone else for that matter has never made me feel so good about them. Thanks LG!

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Bobby! Mine are brown, not quite as special as blue. Im very glad you enjoyed it.

  • #5
    perhaps some "articles" are unneeded, and with some shift of language presentation, this could polish to a better piece. thank you for sharing.

    great ending, I enjoyed, no need to change that part, imho.

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      No perhaps, you are absolutely right. I am polishing as we write! Shouldnt have posted yet but I only had my phone no pen and paper at lunch and didnt want to lose it. Thank you ☺

  • #6
    Hi lunar glide

    ... illuminating the terraced steps
    towards my dreams
    where those blue eyes open up
    another starry night.

    this is thew stuff that makes me want to read poetry day and night! and to dream.... dream.... dream..... thank you for sharing and not waiting!

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Suzzen. Haha. I'm still editing. Let's hope that the house of words doesn't tumble.

    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      Never!
      I sometimes say, "when in doubt leave it out." Oh no, wait... that is when I am not sure of too many accessories!! Never-mind!

    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      I am almost ready to leave it alone 😑

  • #7
    reflection of love in your eyes LG another internal post

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you TS. I appreciate your comments.

  • #8
    Hello lunar glide, As if peeping through the parting veils of grey, the blue eyes of love, spiritual and romantic in lovely poetry. Excellent indeed. Regards, Tony.

    Comment


    • #9
      Enchantingly phrased love poem LG. The luminaries of our skies compose the best playground for you - and a gift for the rest of us - through you.

      Comment


      • #10
        Thank you RLW! Your comment is a gift. Yes sometimes I try to reinvent common poetic ideas.

        Comment


        • #11
          LG, Love these 2 lines:

          For even when drowsiness
          smudges my sea starless


          I also agree some editing might be helpful. You might want to consider more action verbs,
          than passives - ie. is, are

          I am guilty of this as well as times of using too many prepositional phrases. I actually enjoy editing
          and my compulsiveness to make poems better and better...

          Comment


          • lunar glide
            lunar glide commented
            Editing a comment
            Me too. But after a while i lose the string. It becomes a word rubix puzzle that never lines up. I think i have to abandon this one.

          • lunar glide
            lunar glide commented
            Editing a comment
            Thank you Tanner!

        • #12
          Lunar I enjoyed it as you wrote it sometimes polishing is hard when done too soon. My reccommendation leave it for a while rediscover then polish

          Comment


          • lunar glide
            lunar glide commented
            Editing a comment
            Very true! Thx PP 😊

        • #13
          This is simply BEAUTIFUL!

          Every stanza. Not a wasted word or phrase!

          One of my favourites. Definitely!

          Comment


          • lunar glide
            lunar glide commented
            Editing a comment
            I appreciate it Dwayne! ☺
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