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Don't Look Down

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  • Don't Look Down

    Note: This poem is inspired by a fictional story that I recently read about a King whose corrupt son is battling for the throne, killing millions in the process. The poem is from the King's advisor's point of view, and he is warning the King about his people's view of him and how it may be his downfall. Hope you enjoy!

    You need to be strong, you need to be keen.
    You must be willing
    to fight to the brink.
    The Kingdom's at siege.
    Your people are starved,
    and you can't let them think that your help you cannot bring.

    Don't look up; don't look down.
    Look straight ahead and never stand down.
    Don't smile, but don't scowl.
    Make your face impassive now.
    Don't look left. Don't look right.
    Keep eyes locked with the enemy in sight.
    You are alone in this war,
    You're the pawn as you're thrown to the floor.
    You are the Captain, the bait.
    But if they know what you've lost,
    who you saved,
    what you've begun...
    They will seize you with their daggers and laugh at your fate!

    So don't just talk or give demands,
    with head held high give stable commands.
    Do not run; don't just walk.
    Saunter through the room but don't stalk.
    Don't let them argue, but don't be coy.
    Hear their opinion but stand by yours.
    You are their fool in this fling.
    You're their Monarch, their Tyrant, their King.
    You are their puppet, the prize.
    But if they know what you know,
    who you are,
    what you've done...
    They will rip out your insides and tear out your eyes!

    So don't look down. Don't look now,
    but your Kingdom is going to bow
    to the fraud, to the cheat,
    to the man who longs for your seat.
    For your throne, for command,
    so stand tall, be courageous, but never out planned!

    But don't. Look. Down.

  • #2
    I like that you've mentioned your prompt for this piece. I don't think I've ever tried to take a story and write a poem from it - very neat. S1L6 is a bit wordier than those before and after - also S3L6. It breaks the flow a bit when I'm reading through (although I'm still learning how to read poetry, so take my comment with a grain of salt).

    What about something like this:

    you can't let them think that your help you won't bring.

    They'll seize you with daggers and laugh at your fate!

    I realize you might have wanted the more separated phrasing - I personally don't like to use too many contractions either - so if that's the case, disregard.

    You definitely got the warning across in a poem with epic feel. Nice job!


    • Darthvader
      Darthvader commented
      Editing a comment
      This poem is actually supposed to be a song, but I couldn't upload it onto the zone. Believe it or not that is actually exactly how it was written before I put it to song, but it just fits to the rhythm of the song better this way. I just felt like posting the song version because that's how I hear it now. Thank you for yoir input, though, and know that I agree with you completely 😁

  • #3
    Many people come to mind Darth when reading this magnificent story of the the kings oppressive misguided son. 5 stars!


    • #4
      I'm glad I could spark a memory, Bobby Del Boy . Thanks for reading 😁