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  • Shore

    Deleted
    Last edited by grant hayes; 12-25-2017, 07:29 PM.

  • #2
    Dear Grant, With many of your poems being mysterious but inviting and in the end magical, for some reason I understood this completely. Living along the coast of Florida and on the big Island and now inland close to a large body of water I have seen many of sea bird and gull and storm. I loved this without your synopsis Thank You!!

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    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I am pleased you 'got it' in its unglossed state, The second. I grew up within the sound of breakers; the briny sea mist thrown up by storms is a familiar scent. I've always felt the call of the shore, even when I've lived further inland.

  • #3
    This is deeply emotive and descriptively lush - brittle as lust? Your native surroundings provide rich fodder for poetry and I enjoy your reflections upon them.

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    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I was looking for the right simile for a while there, Rhymist, and it eventually emerged. I began with 'pharaohs' (this poem's prototype was quite different), then the syllable count required reduction to 'kings', then the opacity of that association led to 'love', which had the right sound, but I felt was unfair to love; at last 'lust' presented itself. 'Brittle' is one of those words I must guard against using too much - it does appeal to me very strongly, both sound-wise and semantically.

      My fear with this is that the underlying situation - reducible to 'I saw a dead gull on the beach' - does not bear such a serious treatment, and that I run the risk of falling to bathos. The 'intimation of mortality' angle is also a well-worn theme, not really given a fresh twist here. So my saving grace - if there is any - may be in the sheer abstraction of the music. I console myself that good music is often attached to silly plotlines

  • #4
    I could feel this reflection without the key! but the key helped me to understand it. horizoned weeds exulting beak wink of needles hurling surf trilling heat solar scream repenting storm fellow dead... the descriptive density is astonishing. words like landscapes . wow goodness counting moon!

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    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      Yes, when I put the moon in this I automatically thought of you, lunar glide When you line up the descriptions like that, it does seem rather a welter of impressions, I must say! I should be careful not to bombard - pause and a looser, variegated meter are features I need to include more often in my pieces; they are a challenge for me!
      Last edited by grant hayes; 01-19-2017, 02:47 PM.

  • #5
    I love the way you weave metaphor into verse.
    surgical diction as always, introspective, ponderous work.

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    • #6
      Thank you, Dwayne. I guess this is another instalment in the 'Grant's grave first-person intimations' series, which I hope doesn't wear out readers.

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      • #7
        I am less han a mile from the sea and this makes me smile-am left with good thoughts after reading- Thank you

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        • grant hayes
          grant hayes commented
          Editing a comment
          I like it that this leaves you with good thoughts, Parkinsonspoet, O dweller by the Cornish shores. It's concerned with an image of death amid the elements, I know, but it ends with a determination to overcome - perhaps a grim determination, but one with spirit.

        • Parkinsonspoet
          Parkinsonspoet commented
          Editing a comment
          I saw the death but as an inevitable part of nature a price in the end for our wondrous life

        • grant hayes
          grant hayes commented
          Editing a comment
          For we are already the dead;
          dead we are ready for the All.

      • #8
        the impressions are genius. as far as the pause, I think of it like playing piano. that art is in the touch. I have parts of poetry that I haven't even begun to work on myself. i don't have the humility yet. but reading your work helps!

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        • grant hayes
          grant hayes commented
          Editing a comment
          Reading your work helps me too, lunar glide; it has a suppleness of concept and subtlety of touch that I find captivating.

      • #9
        grant hayes if the poets here were sharks your words are the chum. We come away from "The Shore" full and contented.

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        • #10
          Hahahahahaha, poem appreciation as shark feeding frenzy! I like it, Bobby ☺

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          • #11
            Hello grant, From 'exulting' to the 'unplumes a gull', poetecially neat yet death itself. Into the 'hurling surf' and 'trilling heat', just brilliant and of course, 'my falling spent as my fellow dead.' Perfection complete. A truly outstanding passage of poetic literature. One can feel the intensity of thought put into this, leaving the reader no choice but to admire and respect both the poem and the poet. I have truly enjoyed reading this one, a privilege, really. You are in fine health and happy, I do hope, Tony.

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            • #12
              Wow, Tony, that's high praise, indeed. Many thanks for stopping by. I feel very encouraged.

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              • #13
                I'm lucky enough to live by the most easterly part of Irish Sea Coast each weekend. Scenes like this are frequent and the power of nature can make you feel quite small - this sums it up beautifully; thank you.

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                • #14
                  You're very blessed to live there, mooneyblack. I'm glad this piece resonated with your experience of the sea in your own neck of the woods.

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