Gestas

[AnatoliyS]

Gestas

“I look at me – I see but flesh –
Not rotting yet, but death is near…
When thoughts and dreams no longer clash
I see myself unsettling clear –

To death succumbed, I’m lost in dark
Yet realizing – I still live!
The body’s gone, but there’s a spark
Expressing one thought – to forgive.

A thought, which hardly had occurred
When I perceived with body’s eyes.
Forgiveness seemed to be absurd
Replaced with hate through worldly lies.

When thoughts so dark ruled over me,
And light was seen in hues of blood,
I was determined to break free,
Tied by my thoughts – all was for naught.

Sick, sluttish thoughts – I’ve sold my soul!
Pimped my pure Self to hellish fiends –
Through my own sins they have control,
The wicked rulers of my dreams!

A nightmare, living hell this is!
Why did I choose to dream such rot?
Why did I trade my precious peace,
Abandoning the only God?

The lessons harsh – I chose myself,
When I have fallen deep asleep
Into the world of seeming hell,
Into abyss of pain so deep”.

Time never stops until it does,
The wicked cycle still goes on –
A body rotting on the cross
Still prays for dreams to be undone.

---

*Gestas is a (disputed) name of one of the thieves hanging on the cross at the side of Jesus. link

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Intense reflection AnatoliyS. You, like other poets in the zone, have that desire and ability to get inside the mind of another and write from their point of view. I admire that, as it's something I have yet to learn, or even attempt.

S5L3 - the joining of 'they me' - and S8L4 - the joining of 'be begone' hold the rhythm right, but cause a little pause for me when reading.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

It flows much more smoothly now. This is really a deeply beautiful and sorrowful lament. The more I read it - the more those emotions come through. Truly moving write!

[AnatoliyS]

Thank you for your kind words. The poem reflects partly on how I felt this morning – it was NOT intended as a story it became! I always just start to write, throw words and emotions on paper, and a story often develops in the process.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Pretty amazing 'stream of consciousness' writing. Seems we're swimming in a similar ocean today - albeit arriving on different shores.

[Bobby Del Boy]

AnatoliyS this a poignantly "piercing" poem. Whoa!

[AnatoliyS]

Thank you Bobby! I had no idea what I was writing about until that last stanza came out and made the story obvious for me.

[grant hayes]

A well wrought and cogent expression of your spiritual insight, Anatoliy. It takes me back to my early adulthood, when I was much given to such meditations, though with nothing like your poetic skill.

[imrogue]

Insightful write with raw emotions! Nicely done!

[AnatoliyS]

Thank you grant hayes and imrogue for your comments!

Grant, I could only hope your meditations did not take place on the cross!

It is interesting how we consider someone at 70 as being closer to death than someone at 30 (and I am not even there yet!). I do not take time as something real, or serious for that matter. A distance of a couple years between the body's birth and its death is not something I could call "life", so I have to search what the real life is? So far I found only one meaningful hint – it can not have anything to do with time, otherwise it would be just as worthless as time itself!

[imrogue]

Time and life itself is worthless if you dont value or put meaning to it...and I agree with your statement about considering 70 considering closer to death compared to someone at 30... You never really know when death is going to hit someone....I wrote a short poem called "Life" I thought you might want to read.BTW I forgot to mention that I like the title of your poem.

[AnatoliyS]

The body is an imperfect tool we use to function in the physical realm of time and space, but we have no idea when the time comes for it to be put aside. I searched for your poem "Life", but could not find it. Could you please provide a link to it – I definitely want to check it out.

I arrived at this title accidentally, and honestly, I did not even know the names of two thieves crucified with Jesus before that last stanza came out in this poem. I instantly realized that the poem "wrote itself" about the man hanging on the side of Jesus, about to die and tortured by his thoughts. Little research brought up the names (even though they are disputed, as they are not included in the canon bible) of these two thieves. I am glad you liked it!

[lunar glide]

excellent work! if you study Einstein , hawking, and f Scott Fitzgerald your thoughts about time might change.

[AnatoliyS]

Thank you for your comment, lunar glide! Einstein, Hawking, Robert Anton Wilson, Schrodinger, etc. is how I started my path some 10 years ago, and they have considerably influenced my thinking about time and space back then, but did not provide complete answers to my questions, so I had to dig deeper into the spiritual realm. My thoughts about time have changed numerous times until I arrived where I am now – and because I am still not where I would like to be on that matter, I am sure my thoughts about time will evolve further.

Naturally, it is very difficult to express my/your thoughts on this difficult topic inside of the boundaries of this forum, so we might be misunderstanding each other, and possibly our thoughts about time might be much closer than we think! Overall, I have respect for time, because I seem to appear to be in a physical world of time and space at the current moment. However, the goal of my journey in this world (which have spanned longer than it seems) is to move beyond the time and return to where I was BEFORE the time has begun.

[lunar glide]

in that case our thoughts are probably very similar! I do enjoy your poems.