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Pallid

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  • Pallid



    Pallid

    slowly, doggedly, wormwood worn,
    inch
    by
    inch,
    pace of tears molasses wept; no
    lust
    for
    life
    housed in heartbeats barely aware.
    same
    old
    swells
    of peppered salty seas lining
    each
    spare
    page;
    listless, stranded, without plan. tuned
    back
    and
    forth
    over dissonant calm, rung out
    note
    by
    note
    leaving coda haunting the wind.

  • #2
    you have built something beautiful from frustration.. This is a marvelous construct RLW!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you LG - and frustrated I surely was.

  • #3
    in ter est ing!! do tell RhymeLovingWriter what is the inspiration? or desperation? I feel weary... i feel tired.... i am worn out... beat up.. is the coda referring to music or something else? co-dependent?
    Enigmatic .... moving.... concrete form....in a mystery step to where??

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      If I had answers to those questions in this moment - this would have been an entirely different poem! Thanks Suz-zen, for engaging this. Since it seems like it would take a bit to explain, I sent you a PM. Many thanks for the look, and leaving some questions.

    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      I can relate to this poem more as i read it again!!

  • #4
    A unique an interesting structure that works exceedingly well, RLW, and the malaise is so well and poetically expressed it is palpable! This is a gem and feels like somewhat new territory for you!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      I guess, in some ways, it is new territory MHenry. Thank you so much for the kind observations and giving it a like. I appreciate it.

  • #5
    I have seen that face and know that life. RLW Thank you

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      You are welcome TS. Thank you - for affirming that this has some meaning - it was not an easy write.

  • #6
    A stratigraphy of seven eight-syllable lines vertically skewered by a thin six-part shaft - like the layers of a buried town. The structure alone commands attention, and the lines themselves seem to chart descent into a personal underworld of frustrated creativity. Very impressive, Rhymist.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      I'd say you 'skewered' an explanation - as you so often do - defining the impetus behind this piece. Thankfully, creativity lamps seem to be glowing a bit brighter with a new day. Thank you for the look and comment Grant.

    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      ooo oo oooo ! grant hayes !! another great new word after another great poem! 'stratigraphy' Say that aloud RLW a few times! it is a tempting one to try to work into a sentence soon!!
      Layers of a buried town! Yes. That was what I could not readily see. And tonight I see a mine shaft. RhymeLovingWriter !! you keep me coming back to this one.

  • #7
    Hello RhymeLovingWriter, There is something so uncomfortable about, 'each spare page', a cold nakedness, without hope, leaf after leaf of nothingness, all flipping into inevitable afterword of life. A powerfully intense piece.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks TG - uncomfortable it was. But I wrote through it - with some encouragement from Suz-zen (many thanks) and will continue on today! Thanks for the look, like, and comment!

  • #8
    The sparse nature of the form creates intensityso that it communicates feeling. An inteligent write

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Jon - I like the sound of that!
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