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Devil inside

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  • Devil inside

    Do you tremble in the dark night
    No shadows despite the light
    Do you wonder are you alone
    No noise breathing sounds your own

    Do you fear the chill of my touch
    Perhaps you feel my fingers clutch
    At your heart inside your chest
    Misses a beat can never rest

    Everything appears so stil
    Emptiness that bodesill
    Every step and I am there
    Even now i bring despair

    Do you sense me in your head
    I will consume you and be fed
    A dark stainrests on your soul
    You are mine so pay the toll

    All is lost time come to fight
    Face the devil and his might
    For all his words and his guile
    Has no answer for your smile

    Banish him and fear no more
    Devils decieve but be sure
    If you dont give he cant take
    Rouse your spirit he will quake

  • #2
    Strong, chilling, well-written.....

    Comment


  • #3
    Excellent write Jon. Here you are again in new 'terror'tory it seems with the mention of devil(s) and temptation. Yet you are quite right, and I love the line 'If you dont give he cant take" - which shows so well the importance of our freely made decisions. Masterful!

    Comment


    • #4
      Oooh, chilling read. And I thought I was the only one that can write this kind of material :P Also, I can already envision this as a haunting song in mind

      Comment


      • #5
        Right up my alley Jon. The flow of this haunting is daunting...
        I hear a song creeping up as well, whish I had the skills to write one... ( Bry89 : hint?)
        It kind of reminds me of one of my favourite haunting songs: Laura Marling's 'Night Terror'.
        I love it! Thanks!

        Comment


        • #6
          Exit light, enter night ... with a happy ending reminiscent of James 4:7.

          Metallica meets the New Testament.

          Comment


          • #7
            I love to see your dark side, Pp, though it is tempered with some light and hope! Well-written, my poet friend!

            Comment


            • #8
              I must confess that this was how I initially finished but there is more which do you prefer the first post or this extended one one MHenry grant hayes Pyro Bry89 RhymeLovingWriter Suz-zen
              Do you tremble in the dark night
              No shadows despite the light
              Do you wonder are you alone
              No noise breathing sounds your own

              Do you fear the chill of my touch
              Perhaps you feel my fingers clutch
              At your heart inside your chest
              Misses a beat can never rest

              Everything appears so stil
              Emptiness that bodesill
              Every step and I am there
              Even now i bring despair

              Do you sense me in your head
              I will consume you and be fed
              A dark stainrests on your soul
              You are mine so pay the toll

              All is lost time come to fight
              Face the devil and his might
              For all his words and his guile
              Has no answer for your smile

              Banish him and fear no more
              Devils decieve but be sure
              If you dont give he cant take
              Rouse your spirit he will quake

              Courage rising in the light
              Hope abounds future is bright
              Then you recall the rumour
              Devil has sense of humour

              Twas the devil who gave hope
              Briefly thought that you could cope
              Devils plaything must amuse
              He commands you can't refuse

              As you read you remember
              At the start when you enter
              You promised the devils due
              Now he also lives in you

              He will take you when he pleases
              Feel the chill your heart freezes
              Feel the fear in the night
              This read issued an invite

              Comment


              • Pyro
                Pyro commented
                Editing a comment
                I prefer this one: the more of it the better. The last stanza is a killer!

              • MHenry
                MHenry commented
                Editing a comment
                I prefer the longer piece, too, Pp, but both are very good.

              • Suz-zen
                Suz-zen commented
                Editing a comment
                I am torn.... i like this a lot too Jon. i guess I am 'short but sweet' fan. RE-read the first version. The second one has more grit. if you will... so that I prefer. The first grabs me and filters into me at a level I can't describe. I prefer that. That may not make sense.

            • #9
              Hello Parkinsonspoet, eerily quiet can be devilry most foul. This poem creeped all over me, one would fear the dark after the reading. You have a way with words that draws the reader in even when they yearn to escape so captivating is your style. The Hitchcock of verse. Dark yet quality poetry. Regards, Tony.

              Comment


              • #10
                Gonna' need a valium tonight. Chilling read, thanks for sharing.

                Comment


                • #11
                  I like supernatural themes and the evocation of the uncanny in poems, Parkinsonspoet; this piece inspires me to reflect anew on giving expression to the dark side.

                  Comment

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