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Her Tryhard, 1918

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  • Her Tryhard, 1918

    Deleted
    Last edited by grant hayes; 12-25-2017, 08:05 PM.

  • #2
    You write wonderful epic poetry. I don't even know where to start with the likes on this. The title - 'Her Tryhard'?' Is that like a hero but not quite? Perpahs a hero in his own right for the fight he might have made if not taken out at the start? (Then, I start thinking - because your poems often do that - well there are all kinds of victory, aren't there? And how many victories are won along the way to the final cessation of hostilities or our ultimate demise?) I had to look up snicked and anthemion (great new words, thank you).

    And then, the banquet of varying counts, and rhythms and rhyme - this has to be a Grant Hayes original and the task you set yourself in metering this out - how carefully you must have chosen each phrase. I have gained so much appreciation for the beauty of a poem through structure, by your wonderful examples and comments.

    I'll stop babbling now because I probably sound a bit like an idiot to go on and on.

    Just know this ~ I find this beautiful!

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi Rhymist. Like 'Gone Before', this piece grew from a couple of separate poems plus some homeless phrases. In several places, the syllabic structure was applied in order to 'discipline' fragments that were more free-form, and thereby better integrate them into the developing whole. I am probably not done tinkering with it, even now, but any such meddling will be minor.

      That you find it thought-provoking and beautiful is most gratifying. Thank you, Rhymist.

  • #3
    I believe I did see an earlier version of this and was impressed then by your impressions of finality and WWI trench warfare. This is still impressive.

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for returning to it, Muttado!

  • #4
    I, too, recall the original post, Grant, Sensei. The poem was awesome then and it is awesome now. To carry for this length an epic poem of such density and poetic device word by word and line by line with great force and beauty is a daunting task, which you have ably and artfully performed!

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      A finished work can belie its haphazard formation, MHenry. I appreciate your compliments, but feel I have had less control over the end product than they imply. Many thanks for revisiting this long evolving piece.

  • #5
    BLOWN AWAY grant hayes ... more comments later.....

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      An eminently practical, but distinctly unChristian-like thing to do!

    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      Exactly, MHenry; the melting down is a symbol of the inversion of values. I suppose I wanted to exploit the association of bells-as-ordnance with Donne's 'for whom the bell tolls' as an evocation of funerals. 'Tolling' acquires a double meaning - the sound of the artillery barrage is transformed into the signal of funerary bells, and also suggests 'death toll' as a result.
      Last edited by grant hayes; 10-07-2017, 12:46 PM.

    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      hmmmmmmmmmmm, i was just at MOMA in San Francisco - saw some interesting pieces/sculptures that this brings to mind. Visceral emotions were leaking out all over the place....steel/ metal/pieces saved from buildings
      to me showing strength, resilience over powers that represented hate/ evil/destruction from all over the world.

      I will have to think about this for awhile - or rather not think.... sit with it.

      Thanks!

      And yes, MHenry you make a good point!

  • #6
    Whoa!

    I must admit to suffering from some recent poetic-Hayes-withdrawal, now suddenly, magnificently cured.

    There is much literal and metaphoric depth here, with signature surgical diction, of course.

    I especially love the arpeggio flourish which punctuates to the conclusion, a tempest of implore.

    I find, with your work, both the intended meaning, and many unintended inspirations.
    Thank you.

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      You are most welcome, Dwayne. Intended and unintended - I like it that you find such plenitude in my lines. And I like how you've applied the term arpeggio here - very apt, especially since I hope to achieve musical effects.

      I hope to continue to live up to your anticipations

  • #7
    Grant you have a unique imagination that is just awesome in scale. Your percepttion brings us to new worlds that we discover are our own-yet without your introduction this vivid representation of our world would be beyond our grasp

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      That is one of the most wonderful remarks ever made to me about the effect of my writing. I am very honoured to have earned it from you, Parkinsonspoet. It encourages me to keep improving.

    • Parkinsonspoet
      Parkinsonspoet commented
      Editing a comment
      Grant I think that you earned those comments. Not only do you have a fantastic imagination but you are meticulous with your word choices, phrasing and intelligent in choosing format. On the odd occasion somethings you write don't connect with me but that is rare. I do wonder one thing. Do you ever write about more personal aspects. You strike me as a fascinating person. One who has many stories to tell.

    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      Most gracious of you to say so, Parkinsonspoet. As for the personal, much of my material shared here is just that. The pieces couched in the first person are all drawn from my real life feeling states and situations. In fact, I feel that perhaps I am too personal, and that I need to be more observational.

      We are all full of stories.

  • #8
    Mr.Hayes, Don't know how I missed this one. So big and Beautiful!!!!!! It made me feel small.Incredible!!!!!!!

    Comment


    • #9
      You know well how to 'write big', the second, so I am honoured that you find my work to have that sort of effect.

      Comment

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