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Crusaders of the Truth

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  • Crusaders of the Truth

    In these tough times of darkness so obscure
    We need protection from imagined sin,
    We are to follow those only who matured,
    We’re not allowed to look for Truth within.

    Crusaders of the Truth will show the way:
    They will attack the sinners of this world
    Who dare through wicked teaching lead astray
    The sheep that blindly follow what they’re told.

    Crusaders of the Truth won’t rest in peace
    Till every sinner of the world’s exposed,
    Their Holy mission – showing where Truth is,
    Stomping to dust the ones who Truth oppose.

    But in these times, which are indeed obscure,
    Crusaders of the Truth are too opposed.
    In times when teachers are so insecure,
    In times when Son of God can be so loathed,


    In these dark times the flock must guided be
    By Voice of God – Martyrs of Teaching Pure,
    Who won’t allow the lies of sin to be,
    Protecting from Crusaders’ sly allure.

    And so they fight, and viciously at that –
    The flock has been forgotten long ago,
    Neither Crusaders, nor Martyrs will let
    To halt the growth of egos – so they grow.

    How much importance are we to assign,
    To understanding not our “holy” ways?
    Are we too blind to see so clear a sign
    That it’s our fight, which ego stronger makes?

    Are they important so, ways of this world,
    That we will kill our Self in name of them?
    We’re deaf to Voice, which to us clearly told –
    We’re not to slaughter God’s innocent lamb.

    No matter! Voice of God does grow so dim,
    Crusaders of the Truth are fighting on
    With such persistence, gruesome and so grim,
    Until the last mistake (judge they) is gone.

    Indeed, the Voice is dim, the truth’s obscure –
    Martyrs of Holy Light will fight the same,
    For only they hold teaching true and pure,
    And so they teach – through anger, hate and shame.
    Last edited by AnatoliyS; 11-06-2016, 07:13 AM.

  • #2
    Will we ever learn?

    Well written.

    Comment


    • AnatoliyS
      AnatoliyS commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for your comment, Dwayne! I think that as separate bodies we will never learn. But the time will come when we will realize that we are not separate at all, but one. Being one with each other, we are automatically one with God. At that point we will learn – but it my take a couple more millions years of illusory time.

  • #3
    ''Indeed, the Voice is dim, the truth’s obscure –'' Who determines the ''truth''? That is the question you put out so well.

    Comment


    • AnatoliyS
      AnatoliyS commented
      Editing a comment
      The Truth, by its very definition, is one and is determined by God. We Are that Truth, just like He is. However, in this world, where everyone seems to be separate, the "truth" is but an opinion. In that sense, truth is different for everyone here. We all fight each other because we do not share each other's opinions – Truth has nothing to do with it at all. But of course, we believe our opinion to be the only correct one – a mistake so difficult to avoid!

      Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate you taking the time reading the poem!

  • #4
    AS - you are an anthem writer, much like some other talented poets in the zone! I can't do the grand and epic - but so enjoy reading the work of those who can! Lofty and important issues - rolled and extolled in virtuous verse.

    I like to play with words, and word tense, and some smash-ups (my name for new word combinations), but was stopped a bit in S4 at 'themselves're and teachers're'. These are wholly unique in my experience (which isn't that wide when it comes to poetry, so take that with a grain of salt) and I was wondering why you made the choice of these combinations.

    Comment


    • #5
      Originally posted by RhymeLovingWriter View Post
      AS - you are an anthem writer, much like some other talented poets in the zone! I can't do the grand and epic - but so enjoy reading the work of those who can! Lofty and important issues - rolled and extolled in virtuous verse.

      I like to play with words, and word tense, and some smash-ups (my name for new word combinations), but was stopped a bit in S4 at 'themselves're and teachers're'. These are wholly unique in my experience (which isn't that wide when it comes to poetry, so take that with a grain of salt) and I was wondering why you made the choice of these combinations.
      Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate your time reading the poem!

      As far as S4 goes, I was truly believing that "themselves're" is a correct grammar construction in English – as in "you can put "re" at the end of any word" (English is not my native language). It does look strange to me, and Word does underline it as a mistake. Obviously, the need is to keep the meter consistent (and in this poem, unlike in "the ego" I am managing it relatively well). If I remove 're parts, you will still be able to understand the lines without any problems, but missing "are" completely does not seem to be correct either.

      What would you recommend? Just remove 're? Or rewrite the stanza, making sure it is grammatically correct and still sticks to 10 syllable count?

      Thank you once again for this note – I appreciate criticism greatly, as it helps me to grow.

      Comment


      • #6
        I'm not aware of a rule in English to just add 're' at the end of any word. If your concern is for maintaining correct English then you probably want to remove it (unless you're intentionally wanting to create new words).

        For the second line - to just remove the 're' corrects the grammatical issue - Crusaders of the Truth, themselves opposed (I might add a comma after Truth to clarify that 'themselves' refers back to Crusaders of the Truth - not sure of the name of that - maybe antecedent - when a pronoun refers back to a noun earlier in the sentence?).

        The third line is a bit trickier. How tied are you to the word 'teacher' or the phrase 'teachers are'? Can you use that word in a different form (i.e. taught, teaching, teachers', etc.)? How tied are you to the repetition of 'In times when' to start the last two lines of that stanza? You've already used 'times' in the first and last lines of this stanza. Maybe you could leave those uses as sort of 'bookends' and find another phrase for line 3? Could you find a different phrase there and keep 'teachers are'? Those are the kinds of questions I ask myself and then just play around with different combinations to meet my 10 syllable count. Off the top of my head:

        1) When even teachers' words are insecure
        2) When all that's taught resounds as insecure
        3) In times when teaching stands so insecure
        3) In times when teaching stands no more secure
        4) In times when even teachers can't be sure (this changes the meaning a bit, but the 'can't' of this line offsets the 'can' of the final line so it might be OK)

        So, plugging these in, it would create these five possibilities:

        But in these times, which are indeed obscure,
        Crusaders of the Truth, themselves opposed.
        When even teachers' words are insecure
        In times when Son of God can be so loathed,

        But in these times, which are indeed obscure,
        Crusaders of the Truth, themselves opposed.
        When all that's taught resounds as insecure
        In times when Son of God can be so loathed,

        But in these times, which are indeed obscure,
        Crusaders of the Truth, themselves opposed.
        In times when teaching stands so insecure
        In times when Son of God can be so loathed,

        But in these times, which are indeed obscure,
        Crusaders of the Truth, themselves opposed.
        In times when teaching stands no more secure
        In times when Son of God can be so loathed,

        But in these times, which are indeed obscure,
        Crusaders of the Truth, themselves opposed.
        In times when even teachers can't be sure
        In times when Son of God can be so loathed,

        That took a bit to write out - this process happens in my head, but I thought it might make more sense this way. Hopefully it is of some help as you puzzle your way through. Of course, feel free to disregard any and all of what I've written if it's not of help or use.

        Comment


        • #7
          Originally posted by RhymeLovingWriter View Post
          1) When even teachers' words are insecure
          2) When all that's taught resounds as insecure
          3) In times when teaching stands so insecure
          3) In times when teaching stands no more secure
          4) In times when even teachers can't be sure (this changes the meaning a bit, but the 'can't' of this line offsets the 'can' of the final line so it might be OK)
          ...

          That took a bit to write out - this process happens in my head, but I thought it might make more sense this way. Hopefully it is of some help as you puzzle your way through. Of course, feel free to disregard any and all of what I've written if it's not of help or use.
          You are amazing RLW! Thank you for being so generous with your time – it is an incredible help. All of your lines sound better than mine, and that's really the kind of work I should have done myself. See, usually such poems flow out of me in about 10 minutes, and I tend to spend very little time polishing them afterwards. This is changing, thanks to this forum, and your current help is an eye-opener as well.

          In this particular poem, when I wrote the original lines, both "themselves're" and "teachers're" sounded perfectly fine to my foreign ear, and my browser's spellchecker did not highlight them as wrong. That was the case why I just went with it without a second thought. Additionally, this poem has been written after reading Shakespeare for a couple hours last night (and before Shakespeare I did not even know what is a "syllable count", what is a meter, I had no idea that some poems try to keep it constant – 10 syllables or otherwise – I was just writing in complete ignorance, trusting my (imperfect) judgement).

          Shakespeare is using all kind of word modifications, shortenings, and words that I thought he was just making up as he went about it. That's what gave me a temporary opinion that in poetry, ANYTHING goes.

          The problem now is that you did not leave me any work to do, so beautifully rewriting this stanza for me – 5 times!

          The only thing I would change is the second line. "Crusaders of the Truth, themselves opposed" sound to me like it is not ending the sentence, it sounds like I would want to put another comma after "opposed" and continue with the same sentence. In this case however, I want to finish this thought (that they are too opposed) in the second line. 3rd and 4th lines are introduction into the next stanza. I think this is a modification I would like to try (and I would never come up with it without your so generous help):

          But in these times, which are indeed obscure,
          Crusaders of the Truth are too opposed.
          In times when teachers are so insecure,
          In times when Son of God can be so loathed,

          Once again, thank you! I can't imagine how much more I need to learn, but then – life is all about learning. Sometimes ignorance is a bliss – I have started writing a huge novel in verse, estimating it to take about 200 pages, without any formal study of poetry! Now I realize that I need to slow down a bit, and instead I just gather and save a couple stanzas, a couple ideas for that book, knowing that I need to study in order to truly make it work.

          Comment

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