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  • AnatoliyS
    started a topic The ego

    The ego

    This is one of the longer poems I have written about two months ago. I have been meditating and listening to the little voice in my head, that is preventing the Voice for God to be heard. Christians call that voice "Satan", I call it "ego". This little voice, with all its violent shrieks, is very insistent – try to suppress it even for a couple seconds! However – that's the nature of the ego – to fight. If we fight it, it only grows in strength. On the other hand, we have but calmly look at it, and realize that it is unreal.

    To be put simply – "We say God Is, and then we cease to speak". Everything else Is not.

    P.S. I have deep respect for Christianity and Christians, and have been one for many years – but certain events caused me to continue my search in other directions.

    The ego


    The ego shakes my body still
    And fuels me with its beliefs.
    It teaches me its “truth” – to kill,
    And so I listen – so it lives.

    The ego takes away the pain –
    For single moment, day, a year,
    It takes away this awful shame
    And I forget that it is near.

    The ego makes me feel so good –
    It does not win if I am lost,
    It craves for pain, its basic food,
    But it’s afraid to pay the cost –

    If ego torments me too much,
    I might start searching for an end
    Of pain which is the ego’s crutch
    And so it offers me its hand.

    The ego’s most of all afraid –
    It is in terror if I’m still,
    But oh, how well it does persuade! –
    So subtly whispers how I feel.

    It gives me pleasure of a kind,
    It strives that I get fleeting highs,
    It hides behind what’s in my mind
    Through guile and slyness, tricks and lies.

    The things it offers seem so good:
    The music, that excites me so,
    The books, that lighten up my mood,
    The drugs, that take me down so low,

    The people – which it says I need,
    The power – buying others’ love,
    The money – vice of mine to feed –
    All worldly things, which I can’t get enough.

    The ego knows its game so well –
    It planned it billions years ahead!
    It tricked me, put me here to dwell,
    Severed my mind and made me mad.

    It’ll surely go to any length
    To make me mindless, without will,
    To make me lose remaining strength –
    It never aims to wound, but kill.

    So many things so mindlessly I do,
    Do strengthen ego, help it grow in me –
    Unconscious things, or conscious too
    Make ego strong, not letting Self to be.

    For eons it’s been winning at this game,
    How many lifetimes did I suffer here?
    It tricks through anger, blame and shame
    To do my worst, not letting my love near.

    I’m tired, lost, I don’t want what it has,
    I’ve suffered much – tormented billions years!
    Thus ego steps away, it does torment me less,
    With patience waiting while I dry my tears.

    It rests so still in corners of my mind,
    It knows I am afraid to look for source of pain –
    With complex tales and lies defensiveness’s designed,
    Through constant guilt my will does ego drain!

    It is afraid so much when I’m becoming sane,
    It does not want me starting on this search,
    It does step back when I am tired of its game –
    Behind my back it lights anew the torch.


    Time passes by and I calm down,
    Life seems like it’s becoming good,
    And so again at many things I frown –
    The ego’s back, for I supply it with new food.

    This lifetime ends, I die in pain,
    Rejoices ego, caring not for me,
    And all my suffering does seem in vain
    For I allowed my foe to be.

    Yet, for a moment between lives,
    Without a body I am still –
    Through stillness, truth of God does rise,
    I am reborn, but now I stronger feel!

    As soon as body takes me back
    The ego’s there, like predator in hunt,
    It takes it slow my life to wreck,
    It is afraid to show its hate so blunt.

    It’s very patient, so it waits
    For me to grow, enjoying life,
    But soon again it shows just how it hates
    My Self, my Love – it leads me into strife.

    Life after life I’ve suffered much,
    In vain it seemed – but it was not! –
    Through lessons pure, through gentle touch,
    I was remembering one God.

    I am much stronger in this life,
    The ego feels much less secure,
    I am resisting pointless strife,
    I am aware of its allure.

    And yet —
    It does its worst, and resting not,
    It tries to bring the horror to my mind,
    For eons strongly ego fought;
    Its terror stricken now – its end to find.

    This time around I know it’s there:
    I’ve learned its tricks, I see its guile,
    I know its hate, deception and despair –
    But now I live with gentle smile –

    The God Himself protects me now,
    Enough I grew, remembering Him,
    And when One does remember how
    Love feels – the ego grows mortally dim.

    The words mean less – without them ego’s weak.
    I do not need to search and think,
    I do not need to strive, to speak,
    I simply am, no longer on the brink.

    I know from where ego came,
    I am aware of mistake
    Which I thought real, bringing the shame,
    Forgetting Love, putting all being at the stake.

    With knowledge pure I walk through clouds –
    No longer can the shadows on the wall
    Seem real – as if tormented crowds
    Are walking still in darkness of the hall.

    No longer Son of God is fooled,
    No longer ego rules the dream,
    Enough of what seemed as its rule –
    The wicked light in it grows dim.

    I have the power of One God
    To fuel in me the perfect Love –
    The things of this world bother not,
    The One who knows, who’s seen enough.
    Last edited by AnatoliyS; 11-04-2016, 06:17 PM.

  • RhymeLovingWriter
    replied
    Finally I've had time to imbibe the spirit of this rather epic journey AS. I've only done a cursory reading - through twice - more for intention than form, but in general I concur with both Parkinsonspoet and Muttado1sb in their observations.

    I'd be the first to admit that my serious steeping in metered rhyme gives me a preference for strict meter - which would speak to your first question/dialogue (excellent points made there). Maintaining consistent meter throughout helps create a cadence or rhythm. This consistency can unify the poem and/or produce a lyric effect (perhaps not as appropriate for such introspection as the actual words belie). You would have to weigh that balance in favor of your preferences and which aspect is more important in getting your message to the readers.

    I thought the second point mentioned by both (to read aloud or not) was very interesting. I've only recently started that practice myself, but could see how even with repeated readings aloud - we get accustomed to changing the pace/rhythm without noticing it. I could see me doing that.

    Also, your idea about revising and then letting set awhile, has been mentioned by other poets as what they do for some of their writing. I almost never do this myself - but would like to learn that kind of patience so I have it as an option in my 'poetic toolbox' if ever it's needed.

    As to the message of the poem - it is true - Satan is wily - but God is God - all the time - even in the valley of death. Thanks for sharing this reflection of your journey with us!

    Leave a comment:


  • AnatoliyS
    commented on 's reply
    Thank you for your comments, I appreciate that! My problem is the opposite - I have read it aloud so many times, that I have gotten accustomed to changing pace/rhythm and do not even notice it. However, I will definitely work more on this poem, but probably will give it a couple months, so that I can read it with an open mind.

  • Muttado1sb
    replied
    This has a very Buddhist feel to it, with Ego what must be overcome to reach Nirvana.

    ''As soon as body takes me back
    The ego’s there, like predator in hunt,
    It takes it slow my life to wreck,
    It is afraid to show its hate so blunt.''

    And

    ''This time around I know it’s there:
    I’ve learned its tricks, I see its guile,
    I know its hate, deception and despair –
    But now I live with gentle smile –''

    Very well done overall, but I am with ParkinsonsPoet in thinking it could still be tweaked. One thing I've learned here (though I admit I don't always do it from suggestions others have made is to read it aloud. For a long poem such as this make notes of where you get tripped up or where it sounds like you are repeating yourself, then go back and look at your notes to see where to best fix what is there. If it reads well to you, it will probably read well to others.

    Leave a comment:


  • Parkinsonspoet
    commented on 's reply
    Thank you.
    What I would do is shorten the whole poem. I would look at each verse see what point it is making and note it down. Then look at the structure thinking about which points I want to make and if I wanted to repeat any. By shortening the poem you can increase its intensity.I would shorten the longer lines and would consider whether I could stick to the same number of beats per bar-sometimes you don't get the right meaning in the line when doing so I might chose the meaning over the flow.That is what I would do but it is upto you as no-ones opinon is more valid than than yours.

  • AnatoliyS
    replied
    Originally posted by Parkinsonspoet View Post
    I read this aloud to the end. A great self awareness here and I love the thought behind it. Some of the near rhymes tripped me a bit . I struggled with beliefs and lives first stanza and,some of the long lines didn't scan as well for me affecting the flow. A simple ABAB pattern would serve it well if it was shorter and shortening it would intensify its focus. Some greatwork here but I feel you can make it even better .
    Thank you Parkinnsonspoet! Praise is nice, but there is nothing quite as valuable as honest criticism – I really appreciate the time you took to read the poem.

    You saying that "shortening it" will help the flow and the focus. Do you mean shortening the lines, where they reach as many as 12 syllables? Or do you mean shortening the poem as the whole, cutting some of the stanzas? Would you recommend to stick to the same syllable count all throughout the poem, such as 8? (to which I stuck in the beginning stanzas, before getting lost in my thought flow – apparently )

    I will be definitely revising it in the future – this is the second version already. I am far too inexperienced to create a long narrative and not too trip at times. Thank you once again for your honest opinion, I do appreciate it greatly!

    Leave a comment:


  • Parkinsonspoet
    replied
    I read this aloud to the end. A great self awareness here and I love the thought behind it. Some of the near rhymes tripped me a bit . I struggled with beliefs and lives first stanza and,some of the long lines didn't scan as well for me affecting the flow. A simple ABAB pattern would serve it well if it was shorter and shortening it would intensify its focus. Some greatwork here but I feel you can make it even better .

    Leave a comment:


  • AnatoliyS
    replied
    Originally posted by The second View Post
    ... I read till the end!
    Which is a praise in itself! So Thank You!

    Leave a comment:


  • The second
    replied
    Only the ego asks. Only the heart knows and answers its own questions. I read till the end!

    Leave a comment:


  • AnatoliyS
    replied
    I gratefully thank anyone reading until the end! I would like to ask – how well does the poem flow? Are there any stanzas where the flow seems interrupted? Even though I am following the same basic ABAB pattern all throughout, the syllable count (and therefore the rhythm) is changing from one stanza to another. How well does it work?

    Thank you!

    Leave a comment:

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