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Marionette

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  • MHenry
    replied
    Hi, rhymetime! This is a finely crafted verse with much to say. I identify strongly with the premise of this poem, particularly the lines Suz-zen highlighted in her comment, though there are many fine lines throughout. I believe there is a me inside me, but that fact does not make the need for family and the need to please them any less palpable. I think this is one of your better efforts, among many fine efforts, and it would stand out as a masterpiece in any forum. Congratulations! I am glad I did not miss this!

    Leave a comment:


  • AlexandratheLate
    replied
    The rhyme is nicely done but the perspective and insight is quite profound and intriguing.

    Leave a comment:


  • rhymetime
    commented on 's reply
    So thankful you enjoyed it
    Thank you

  • rhymetime
    commented on 's reply
    Kind words from you always add a precious jewel to my crown

  • lunar glide
    replied
    I enjoyed the rhyme scheme very much thank you!

    Leave a comment:


  • Pyro
    replied
    ...whoa... I'm speechless!
    Profound and genius indeed!
    It's remarkable how the same two lines struck me, as they apparently did RhymeLovingWriter:
    'That there's no you inside your frame'
    'For you will never set you free.'
    A reoccuring thought, forged into a poetic piece of art
    I love it!

    Leave a comment:


  • RhymeLovingWriter
    commented on 's reply
    Sent you a PM - just in case I misunderstood context and my ideas don't apply.

  • rhymetime
    replied
    I thank you so much. When anyone identifies with something I accidently say, I am most honored

    Leave a comment:


  • rhymetime
    commented on 's reply
    Please alway feel free to correct/suggest anything anytime.

    Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness

  • Suz-zen
    replied
    A puppet hung on changing hands

    It's in your soul, It's your way.
    It's what you do to make them stay.
    It's not that they have need of you.
    It's you who desperately needs them to.


    Ah yes... this is a very deep well thought out piece rhymetime The idea of marionette is really genius ...
    Last edited by Suz-zen; 10-17-2016, 08:20 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • RhymeLovingWriter
    replied
    This is a profoundly introspective piece rhymetime. Although told from the perspective of a male poet - it could as well have been written by a female with a few small tweaks. Two lines in particular hit me straight in the heart:

    S7L2 - 'That there's no you inside your frame'
    S11L4 - 'For you will never set you free.'

    This sounds and feels to me like a poem I could have written. Obviously - many, many likes.

    PS (There are a few little spelling questions I have for you - let me know if you want me to highlight them or not.)

    Leave a comment:


  • rhymetime
    started a topic Marionette

    Marionette

    The others always seemed to know
    What to do and where to go.
    But you, you would always wait instead
    To follow where the others led

    Make them happy, keep them calm.
    Let your complaisancy be the balm
    That soothes their egos, keeps them at ease.
    What ever it takes to keep the peace.

    Remember you don't have to be.
    You need no identity.
    Who you are is what they choose.
    You are no one. You have nothing to lose.

    Today a husband, tomorrow a dad,
    Keep them happy, keep them glad.
    It's your job, your responsibility
    To always be what they need you to be.

    Moment by moment you never know
    Which way you'll turn, which way you'll go.
    You wait on ready for their commands.
    A puppet hung on changing hands

    It's in your soul, It's your way.
    It's what you do to make them stay.
    It's not that they have need of you.
    It's you who desperately needs them to.

    They're not to blame. It's not their shame
    That there's no you inside your frame.
    It's your fear of what you'll lose
    That keeps you a slave to what they choose.

    It is that need that gives you life.
    It is that need that brings you strife.
    Trapped within this paradox.
    Bound with chains and heavy locks.

    You struggle for your sanity,
    For individuality,
    From their will to be set free.
    To be, to be, to be!

    Quiet now, the mind is stilled,
    With resolution it is filled.
    You've not the strength these chains to break.
    You've not the courage the chance to make.

    You'll always be a marionette.
    A life lived only with regret.
    Never knowing who you might be.
    For you will never set you free.
    Last edited by rhymetime; 10-17-2016, 02:11 PM.
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