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Sleeping Without You.

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  • benjaminallentx
    commented on 's reply
    i enjoy your adjustments to the chorus. It would probably make it easier to sing.

  • benjaminallentx
    replied
    Thank you, DWAYNE.
    I tried my best to make it almost sing itself.

    Leave a comment:


  • rhymetime
    replied
    I love this whole lament and song. I have played with the "chorus" tell me what you think. Great, Great verse. I can hear voices singing it.


    I just want to let you know
    I've been thinking about you.
    Just want to make it clear
    I'm not sleeping without you.
    Not sure if I can,
    make it without you.
    Just needed to let you know
    I'm not sleeping without you.


    Leave a comment:


  • DWAYNE
    replied
    This has an infectious rhythm.

    I can easily see this as a song.

    Leave a comment:


  • Suz-zen
    commented on 's reply
    i can see that. I was more thinking of old school, maybe b/c i was listening to him this weekend, but a more gentle longing voice and rhythm like Chris Issak or even go back waaaay back to Roy Orbison... do you know these guys benjaminallentx?

  • benjaminallentx
    commented on 's reply
    Thank you so much for you feedback! Glad you liked it.

  • benjaminallentx
    commented on 's reply
    I'm glad to hear you like it! I kind of pictured it being like almost a rap to someone that isn't there.

  • benjaminallentx
    commented on 's reply
    It was almost written to a beat. So I hoped the musicality seeped through. I have very little musical talent, so I shan't be doing it though!

  • RhymeLovingWriter
    replied
    I'll put in a third place agreement as to the lyrical nature of this verse benjaminallentx. The sense of loss, leaving confusion, flows throughout.

    Leave a comment:


  • Suz-zen
    replied
    I can feel the lamentation! The images that this conjures and the metaphor of the bed frame... love it!

    The waxing moon--
    And waning hearts.
    The subtext to your short texts.
    Our bed frame is falling apart.

    Like grant i can hear this as a song... these lines are ones that will not be able to get out of your head! Stuck in there in a good way! Bice work benjaminallentx

    And I just want to make it clear that I'm not,
    Sleeping without you
    I'm not really very sure if I can,
    Make it without you
    I just needed to make it known that I'm not,
    Sleeping without you.

    Leave a comment:


  • grant hayes
    replied
    I can see this is a love-lost lyric, and it's a very affecting one. I wonder if you have any ideas for a musical setting.

    Leave a comment:


  • benjaminallentx
    started a topic Sleeping Without You.

    Sleeping Without You.

    I've been missing our sleep,
    Our peaceful nights,
    With you and me.
    The waxing moon--
    And waning hearts.
    The subtext to your short texts.
    Our bed frame is falling apart.

    I just want to let you know that I've been,
    Thinking about you.
    And I just want to make it clear that I'm not,
    Sleeping without you.
    I'm not really very sure if I can,
    Make it without you.
    But I just need to make it known that I'm not,
    Sleeping without you.

    I miss you and all your dreams,
    Waking up with a scream,
    Sleep terrifying you--
    with every minute you snooze.
    That nightmare that you have--
    When you start to lose,
    The past-date thoughts of me and you.

    They expire every night,
    When you retire to bed.
    Yeah, But you're still my dreams,
    You're just stuck in my head.
    I've been thinking 'bout you daily,
    When I'm stuck at these red lights--
    We couldn't move it forwards.
    We've been having the same fights.
    Fighting over sheets all the time,
    Bed's been split into two sides.
    And the split down the middle,
    Makes it harder to compromise.

    I just want to let you know that I've been,
    Thinking about you.
    And I just want to make it clear that I'm not,
    Sleeping without you.
    I'm not really very sure if I can,
    Make it without you.
    But I just need to make it known that I'm not,
    Sleeping without you.

    I think of new words to be said,
    But I only really say 'em in my head.
    Or out loud in our old bed.
    I'm starting to think you want me dead,
    Or at the very least, to suffer,
    Or maybe you just want another.
    And if that's the truth just let me know.
    And if that's the reason let it show.
    Because it's really these half-truths--
    That I can't do, they got me feeling so low.
    Because I feel I'm being lied to,
    And I'm falling apart too, I'm losing my flow.

    I don't want to make it seem,
    Like I'm beginning to doubt you.
    But how every conversation ends,
    I'm starting to want to.
    I'm starting to resent and get bitter,
    You're saying no regrets, and to get better.
    You're starting to move on, to better days,
    I'm feeling more withdrawn, in strange ways.

    But I'm stuck in the same state,
    You're on another date.
    I'm stuck as an insomniac.
    You stuck this knife in my back.
    You didn't stick around to comfort,
    The lack of sleep is beginning to hurt,
    If this message hasn't stuck, I can repeat,
    If this message isn't clear, I can't sleep.
    If you really couldn't tell, I'm at new low.
    I only wrote this whole thing, to let you know--

    That I've been,
    Thinking about you,
    And I just want to make it clear that I'm not,
    Sleeping without you
    I'm not really very sure if I can,
    Make it without you
    I just needed to make it known that I'm not,
    Sleeping without you.
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