No announcement yet.


  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Ufo


    It came flying, unexpected
    quicker than my wink could fend
    I'd been standing, introspected,
    musing when the world would end
    Funny now, how thoughts untethered
    floating off in ethers mist
    met, post-haste, presumptions weathered
    in the place we'd often kissed

    Your demanding, of my knowing
    without speaking, what you felt
    should have served as beacon glowing
    of intent to tan my pelt
    Words long held behind dam's buttress
    flew wild-fire from lip to brain
    Close encountered slash of cutlass
    tongued an other-worldly pain

    No command of love's designing
    sheltered from such barbed attack,
    flung with teardrops intertwining
    flight-attended, void of slack
    Storm long-brewed, once broken, clamored,
    quick-abated, back to dock
    Left behind, no more enamored,
    crater marks on heart well pocked
    Last edited by RhymeLovingWriter; 09-23-2016, 05:01 AM. Reason: Omitted final stanza for better effect

  • #2
    Love this great Ultimate Fine oration


  • #3
    The motif of the UFO is well served with clever winks throughout this ornate filigree of personal relations (close encountered - hahahaha). The verbal twirl and twine is quite spellbinding, although, for me, the homiletic tone of the last stanza sounds a clang in all the meticulous observation. Try resisting your inclination toward the neatly wrapped up 'and-the-moral-of-this-tale-is' resolution, Rhymist. Leave us hanging; leave us guessing; leave us pondering ... or not. I'm sure other readers will love it. Just me trotting out on one of my hobby horses again (the roan mare, this time, with its sparkly tinfoil barding and faded puce streamers).


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      You know Grant - I totally agree with this assessment! As a matter of fact - I'm going to cut that last stanza. It seemed overbearingly out of place when I wrote it. Old habits (since I've likely been moralizing for decades now) die hard.

      My favorite stanza is the first. I wanted to capture the idea of a verbal assault that comes flying out of nowhere. It's how I imagine my husband might feel when I go off one of my diatribes (though not usually about anything relational as the rest of the piece implies - more about worldly frustrations).
      Last edited by RhymeLovingWriter; 09-23-2016, 05:07 AM.

    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      My favourite stanza is the first, too ☺