I Wandered Slowly

[Suz-zen]

I wandered slowly
past saffron scents,
in Kashmir markets,
my ears hell bent.


I wandered slowly
I had not met
You in this lifetime.
No, no,
Not yet.

I wandered slowly.
I drank moonlight.
Red velvet slippers
met dizzying flight.

I wandered slowly;
Kept following sighs;
Entangled calls
in poems I write.

I wandered slowly;
oh yes, it’s time
to fall,
to fall
again,

hold-tight!

[grant hayes]

Very romantic and Romantic, Suz-zen, this lyrical, longing quest in an exotic clime, as sensually attuned as ever. And there's that moon again, the Zone's resident enchanter!

[Suz-zen]

thank you grant hayes for reading and commenting on my dreamy Moroccan moon...

[Bobby Del Boy]

This was written deep down within your soul Suz-zen and has eternal staying power. Pretty much personifies who you are. Love-ly!

[Suz-zen]

hi Bobby Del Boy I thank you for this!

[MrY]

When I saw the title I thought we might be in for a Wordsworth tribute, but while this is different to his 'Daffodils', it's very lyrically pleasing on the ear. I think the third stanza was especially enchanting, the metaphor of drinking moonlight is effective and seems fully in keeping with the dream-like element of the poem as a whole.

I also enjoyed the use of slant rhyme in stanza four, the subtle assonance of the 'sighs/write' pairing is very breathy with a touch of sibilance.

I hope you don't mind me suggesting that you drop the commas from the end of line two in stanza two and line three in the final stanza to emphasis the enjambment between lines.

I like how the romantic side of this develops with each passing stanza. I really enjoyed reading this one.

[Suz-zen]

Hi MrY I thank you so very much for reading and engaging with my poem. I love Wordsworth! Ah yes,' I wandered lonely as a cloud'! That had not entered my conscious mind till now! Perhaps it was in my DNA somewhere.

This 'wandering' one started as I relived an actual occurrence of slowly wandering during a trip about 10 years ago to Northern Africa, Spain and Portugal. Today is an anniversary of the meeting of someone dear to me. This speaks to that romance and the sorting out of the enduring love in this life and perhaps past lives....in another one yet to come.

I am so happy that you enjoyed this. If you read any my other pieces you will note that I rarely use commas. It has been suggested that i might try them to slow down. I struggled with them here and after re-reading I agree with you. I will edit and i welcome these suggestions.thank you again.

[Suz-zen]

MrY thank you for teaching me the term enjambment....and pointing out the comma' jamming' up the stanza. Much appreciated!

[lunar glide]

I really enjoyed this one suz-zen. I feel the call to slowly wander more strongly every day! thank you for sharing this one.

[Suz-zen]

thank you lg!!.. it is the only way for me now.

[Tanner]

LG, is spot-on, this poem is definitely a call to us, to refocus on what is truly important, to dwell intently on what is truly important in our loves and wander slowly. I love the structure of this poem
and the pausings, and what you have created is immensely beautiful! Love it!

[Suz-zen]

thank you Tanner, i always look forward to your comments! that you can see the beauty in it with me is most gratifying!

[rhymetime]

You have spoken to my heart. As you probably know I am coming to believe in past lives and relationships.

I wandered slowly
oh yes, it’s time
to fall to fall
again
hold-tight.

This verse spoke to that. We fell before, it is, at last, time to fall again.

I would punctuate differently, but that's just me

Great verse

[Suz-zen]

thank you for this rhymetime. i am curious how you would punctuate... please share! As I stated above the whole punctuation is something i like to leave to the reader at times. there are many that will (and have) disagreed and many that share my belief... 'know the rules so you can break them'? I don't know... still learning... till i fall again.

[rhymetime]

I have noticed of late that many verses are without punctuation. Perhaps that is the new way. I personally have no problem letting my brain fill it in. I am not a English teacher. I over comma and abuse the semicolon. So please don't put any stock in what I think or say. I have put "xx" next to my thoughts.
Feel free to laugh.

Wandered Slowly
09-05-2016, 08:00 PM
I wandered slowly
past saffron scents,
in Kashmir markets, xx
my ears hell bent.


I wandered slowly. Xx
I had not met
You xx in this lifetime, xx
No, no,
Not yet.

I wandered slowly. Xx
I drank moonlight. Xx
Red velvet slippers
met dizzying flight.

I wandered slowly; xx
Kept following sighs; xx
Entangled calls
in poems I write.

I wandered slowly. Xx
oh yes, it’s time
to fall, xx to fall
again.
hold-tight! Xx

[Suz-zen]

thank you rhymetime for the punctuation! Abuse of the semicolon?! AH! Poor defenseless part-intestine!
I suppose i am a true 'free flow verse feeling let it all hang out poet' and i enjoy seeing how readers pause or stop while interpreting my words. I will leave it for each to do that.... like a few of my other pieces that may well need to be shortened or lengthened, i will let them marinate in the marinade of so many good comments and ideas. I return them after time and do make changes... again thank you so very much! Sincerely !!

[DWAYNE]

The use of a refrain is very effective here. Full of anticipation, seductive.

[Suz-zen]

I am glad that you found it so DWAYNE. Glad to see you back!Thank you for reading and commenting.

[Pyro]

This is magnificent!
"Not all who wander, are lost" comes to mind.
This one's going back... to be found at the top

[Suz-zen]

Thank you so much Pyro I have wandered many roads... perhaps many lifetimes ... or so it seems... seeking, slowly. Each time with a more learned pace i hope...

[AlexandratheLate]

I don't know how I missed this one SuzZen but very lyrical. Quite romantic.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

This has a mesmerizing quality about it Suz-zen. Lovely.

[Suz-zen]

Thank you RLW!

[Suz-zen]

Muttado1sb thank you for reading and giving this a thumbs up. This poem was on my radar the past month or so and today with the full moon about to rise, many of the emotions that inspired this piece will be alive dancing tonight under its warmth. A bittersweet dance.

[mooneyblack]

Not sure how I missed this before; I love the message, the journey, the pace and the setting. Thank you