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Brink of sanity

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  • Brink of sanity

    Brink of sanity

    I'm always on the brink of sanity
    Afraid to cope with this rapacity
    live my life in constant calamity
    To distract me from this profanity

    There is a thin film of humanity
    surrounding me in all my vanity
    Reminding me of my mortality
    fleeting existence and brutality

    I find comfort in my insanity
    Yet overwhelmed by this mendacity
    Which has become my new normality
    Ultimately causing my fatality
    Last edited by AlexandratheLate; 08-25-2016, 06:26 PM.

  • #2
    Fine, witty little ditty, AG!

    Comment


    • AlexandratheLate
      AlexandratheLate commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you MH. For some reason I didn't copy all of it and paste it. Lol lol. I think I got it all now.

  • #3
    Holy cow AtL - that's quite a string of 'ity' - how did you keep it going and make it meld like that?!

    Comment


    • AlexandratheLate
      AlexandratheLate commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you very much RLW. I had been writing this one for a while and then put it away - it just finally came together.

  • #4
    Foreboding eloquence!

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    • #5
      I like Dwayne that you see so much deeper than the surface. Thank you very much our eloquent and insightful poet.

      Comment


      • #6
        This is great AtL! Witty, meaningful and very relatable to me. Thanks!
        Can I be so bold as to suggest a minor tweak though? I think if you could place the
        -anity's and amity's (a)
        -ality's (b)
        -acity's (c) (I think it's these that caught my eye)
        in a slightly different (maybe more predictable?) order, it would enhance the rhyming feel of this little gem?
        Something like an a-b-a-b, a-c-a-c kinda thing? a-b-b-a? Know what I mean? (I lack the jargon to make this point gracefully)
        It's just a thought... (I feel slightly uncomfortable suggesting anything to anyone in the zone as a newbee-in-training in the presence of great poets like yourself)
        and I'd find executing this idea rather challenging; not to mess up the nice flow of thoughts you've got going here...
        Maybe I'm too obsessed with rhymes...?

        Comment


        • AlexandratheLate
          AlexandratheLate commented
          Editing a comment
          I appreciate your taking the time to read and your comment. Yes I thought that too but too predictable for me and I like breaking the 'norm' with words.
          Last edited by AlexandratheLate; 08-29-2016, 08:21 AM.

        • Pyro
          Pyro commented
          Editing a comment
          Kudos to that AtL! Stick with your ways, they've proven worthy.
          Also: rules are made to be obeyed, yet yearning to be broken. Me too I like to break them, I'm just a sucker for rhymes that's all
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