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Eternity

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  • Eternity

    It's almost time
    to say goodbye.
    Though I know it's true
    I'm not sure why.

    Perhaps there is
    just a knowng
    That the time has come
    for going.


    There was a moment
    of greatest love,
    more than earned,
    not dreamed of.

    It was yours
    It was mine.
    We shared a moment
    Most sublime.

    Was our glory, was our reason.
    Now at last I see;
    I was born to love you,
    you... to love me.

    We shall meet again.
    I don't know where.
    We shall meet again.
    I don't know when.

    Bound by the fates
    to forever roam,
    Forever together
    Searching for home.
    Last edited by rhymetime; 08-29-2016, 02:55 PM.

  • #2
    A delightful love song, rt. It would be wonderful to reunite in the afterlife

    Comment


    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts

  • #3
    rhymetime, I like this a lot. A little tweak if I may? there is no rhythm it doesn't rhyme? Enjoyable read all in ..

    Comment


    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      Explain please I am open to any suggestions

    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      Should I take that verse out

  • #4
    I see you already made the change. Great poem!

    Comment


    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for

  • #5
    Beautiful rhyme, lovely thought! I enjoyed reading this, thanks!

    Comment


    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you my friend for taking time with my verse

  • #6
    Rhymetime I like this and for me the shortness and simplicity of the lines make it effective

    Comment


    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you sir for spending time with my verse. Your thoughts are always appreciated

  • #7
    I like the sentiment behind this poem rhymetime. My favorite verse is this:

    Perhaps there is
    just a knowng
    That the time has come
    for going.


    And it may sound strange, especially coming from me (who picks and chooses all kinds of non-words and interesting twists on words), but when you use 'twas' - especially twice in one line - it kind of clunks in my ear. It could be because I've always known 'twas' to be a contraction for 'it was', so that would make the first line of the third stanza 'There it was a moment of greatest love'. Something about that sounds off to me. Does that make any sense?

    I see that everyone else likes it fine - so perhaps it's just a personal aversion.

    Otherwise - wonderful job!

    Comment


    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      I think I took out all the twases. They were stupid
      Is this better?

    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Oh gosh rhymetime - this is YOUR poem. It should be what YOU like. To my ear, yes, it sounds better - more contemporary and much smoother, but I like to write tight, and you might get five other poets who say just the opposite. I'm sorry if I stepped over a line - I definitely wouldn't imply that anyone's work is stupid - and I wasn't saying that about this one. Tell me what YOU think. Do you like it better? Because if not - you should put them back!

    • rhymetime
      rhymetime commented
      Editing a comment
      The stupid was mine. I like a "twas" every now and then make stuff seem poetic. However, you were right about this one, they just didn't fit. I love the new and improved verse. I think it reads much better. I am grateful that you took the time to help me work out the kinks. Please do not think that I am in any way offended, I am not! If I had not liked your ideas I promise you I would not have made the changes. Many, many thanks!

  • #8
    I love the genuine emotions and how you express them. lovely lovely

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