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Anton Brooks - Continued

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  • Anton Brooks - Continued

    Anton Brooks - Continued

    In a state of constant agitation
    Invariably cross at everyone
    Inside his head, confusion whirled
    Indecision wracked his addled brain

    Just a few moments ago, all seemed well
    Jim Beam bottles empty on the floor
    Jerk-off father beats his wife again
    Jams his fist through the wall and leaves

    Keep your sanity, his mother kept repeating
    Keep your sanity - you have kids to feed
    Kids were not her top priority, though
    Kate, with the large breasts, moved in

    Languishing, Anton could not decide
    Lost in a bad dream, at 16 - go or stay
    Left behind the nightmare, finally
    Learned the bitter ways of the street

    Much worse nightmares to come
    Makeshift tents - freeway homes
    Maladjusted neighbors bleeding brains
    Meager rations from garbage dumps

    No sanctuary, he had renounced God
    Never again a good night's sleep
    Nadine and the needle, constant companions
    Nourishment killing her little by little

    Operation Stealth - time to steal
    Old man mask, try to rob a bank
    Outsmarted and outgunned
    On his way to the penitentiary

    Put in a cell with a killer
    Pushed down on hands and knees
    Placed in a supplicant position
    Pray to God - if I ever get out

  • #2
    I am crying for Anton. This guy can not catch a break. No wonder A-H came out the way it did. I'm a sucker for happy endings, so Q-Z (probably skipping X) would be my idea for redemption. But I know that's not your style, and would likely cause a loss to the pathos and power of what you've penned so far. I am enjoying how so much of the recent poetry has turned to saga-style, with multiple installations. I'm not really at that level yet, but think it may appear as possibility on my horizon soon. Nicely done MH!


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, RLW. I haven't given any thought to Q-Z yet, but skipping X would probably make it less daunting.

  • #3
    Great job! I'm not sure why, but I'm loving this style. You have clearly developed Anton well as a true storyteller can because I genuinely feel badly for him.


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks, B, Theoretically, this should not be much harder than rhyming, perhaps much easier.

  • #4
    Interesting format MH. Feel sad for Anton. Maybe you can turn his negatives into positives. Many people with that background have.


    • #5
      Thanks for reading and commenting, AG. Having already suffered a terrible earthly fate, Anton's best hope for salvation is in the afterlife.


      • #6
        I agree MH, the afterlife will be Anton's salvation. And when he arrives he will be a teacher and guide. Really awesome MH!


        • MHenry
          MHenry commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you, Bobby, Q-Z will hit the presses tomorrow! I wish Anton the best of luck.

      • #7
        Hold on, I thought he was dead. Flashback?

        Not only is Anton apparently cursed from birth, in the best Calvinist fashion; he is also utterly unsympathetic. It's interesting that other readers feel sorry for Anton; I find myself indifferent to his fate, or almost cheering it on. Gods, someone put him in the arena for some wild beasts to make a meal of him!

        Eesh! Cruel of me, I know.


        • MHenry
          MHenry commented
          Editing a comment
          Yes, Flashback! One should not kill off one's protagonist in the pilot episode!
          If I should have learned anything the past decades, it would have been that!

          Anton is not a particularly sympathetic character, but he has had some bad breaks along with his bad decisions. I've had clients much like Anton, but they have so far dodged the gutting blade if not the brig, the needle, and the damage done.

          Thanks for sticking with this stuck pig, grant, Sensei!

        • grant hayes
          grant hayes commented
          Editing a comment
          Oh oh, the damage done ... indeed.

          I blame Calvinism for my callousness God made me do it!

      • #8
        This is freakin' AWESOME is so many ways! You guys (yes, all of you!) are a blessed bunch of idiots! My kind to be precise!
        (No offense here, right? I'm really using idiot as a term of endearment here, by lack of a more suitable word coming to mind. So no reference to your intellect, which never stops amazing me)
        I mean: it seems Anton was born as some kind of form experminent. Two lovely experiments later we are all crying for him and genuinely hoping for salvation.
        Well done MHenry! To everybody else: you make for good crying company
        So MHenry: start writing please! Btw, while you're at it, you mights as well begin with Q and finish with Z, because that would really make our day!
        To which you then reply: Q-Z will hit the presses tomorrow.
        LOL!! I'm excited!
        The Zone has really made my day, today!
        I'd be surprised if it wouldn't end in another writing night (feeling at home and inspired). Thank you!
        Last edited by Pyro; 08-29-2016, 10:40 AM.