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  • After Grandma

    Deleted
    Last edited by grant hayes; 12-20-2017, 05:57 PM.

  • #2
    Neither 'abstruse' nor 'enigmatic' nor 'precious' ... not even fictive. No deep meanings, no need for interpretation; just an ugly little narrative nugget.

    Comment


    • #3
      This is a great image, grant, Sensei, and it reminds me of a carnal dream I once had of my aunt. I made the grave mistake of recounting this dream to her son. The four syllable form filled with alliteration and assonance, your signature style even without the enigmatic touch, and it is pure, delightful, grantian fare!

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        I'm sure a Freudian would have a field day with these dreams of ours, MHenry. This piece is a true account. I've written it out in more lengthy prose, and I have to say that nothing is lost by distilling it into the brevity of a poem. Thank you for your generous reading of this squib of horror.

      • MHenry
        MHenry commented
        Editing a comment
        Which is why I scrupulously avoid said psychoanalytical sorts. Some things are better left unexplained!

    • #4
      Whoa! Stellar stuff coming forth here grant hayes !!!
      I am the one now spellbound!!

      this is insanely good.... and i learned a new word 'fictive' from your comment.
      thanks for the vocab lesson and this great write!

      I have read it three times. going for one more!

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        I'm surprised, Suz-zen. I didn't think this would go down all that well, so I very much appreciate your several reads. Thank you!

      • Suz-zen
        Suz-zen commented
        Editing a comment
        Grant, it is surprising in a 'hey I love this gift! and it's not even my birthday ' way when this happens! I am reading it again.

        you have perhaps stumbled onto something very important here? A portal for ideas and creation that not been entirely tapped,

        Reading again....

      • Suz-zen
        Suz-zen commented
        Editing a comment
        Fey was the light;
        her white hair, full
        as ages, framed
        her unlined face.

        VIVID!!

    • #5
      I've often lamented that I remember so few dreams. After reading this...well, maybe that's not such a bad thing. I do love the construction of your work. It is not an easy thing to take something written as prose and create such a masterpiece in poetry. Quite impressive Grant!

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        I have a poor memory for dreams too, Rhymist, in general, but a few I never forget. Unsurprisingly, they are the ones that made me wake up whimpering, or even screaming.

        Thank you for venturing a look at this ghastly scenario.

      • Suz-zen
        Suz-zen commented
        Editing a comment
        RLW, a little hint that i heard and it seems to work.... put a pad of paper by your bed. after you wake from a dream....or in the morning... jot down the feelings, and key elements, colors, etc. Soon you will have a vault of inspiration!! Also, at night before you drift off tell yourself that you will have total recall. Keep us posted. i know you can do it!!

    • #6
      All I can say is: why Grandma why? Run like hell Grant!

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        He he he he, you can't run from a dream, Bobby, especially one of hell.

    • #7
      SOOO creepy. Mission accomplished, I think. I'm glad I read this in the morning and not last night. I used to remember my dreams, but I very rarely do anymore.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        With all due respect, I feel honoured to have creeped you out, Biocide

    • #8
      Late to join this nightmarish ride Grant. Night terror described so vividly. Scary stuff.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        Yes, I suppose it was a kind of night terror, Alexandra. Thanks for joining this ghost train.

    • #9
      It is a rare gift, this talent of yours, for making even the grotesque, dance poetically!

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you, Dwayne. If we can word it musically, we can say anything.

    • #10
      wow. no need to analyze or know about some dreams just enjoy the artistry of your words.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        With poems, that is all there really is, in the end, lunar glide - the artistry of the words.

    • #11
      Grant, WOW, first off - Tanner of little brain can actually understand this poem. That said, the vividness of your imagery as often, truly remarkable. I want more of these sorts of poems not just for their accessibility, but as further display of your poetic field of play that stretches off in so many illuminating directions. FYI, I think you have found some mine in the outback that contains a secret motherlode of creativity. Do you have any brothers or sisters? Are there more of you out there?

      Comment


      • #12
        I shall arrive at clarity when I am truly adept at this, Tanner. I shall keep at it (unless of course that well runs dry, which daunts me as much as it daunts you).

        My younger sister, I believe, has written some poetry, though she would never show me. For all I know, it has won prizes. She is the cleverest of us four siblings, by far. She thinks all my stuff is crap. She has a first class honours degree in English, so her opinion gives me some pause.

        Comment


        • #13
          Grant as usual your use of language is stunning but I didn't quite engage with it partly because I felt that you could do better.This could have used more light and shade. Reference to other senses her touch on your skin, smell of her body, taste of her mouth all could have been used to build this to hell. Having said that I would probably have loved this if you had seemed happy with it.

          Comment


          • MHenry
            MHenry commented
            Editing a comment
            I suspect grant is happy with this (he posted it), as I would be had I written it, but his modesty dictates the public expression of humility.

          • grant hayes
            grant hayes commented
            Editing a comment
            I hear you, Parkinsonspoet, and you make an excellent point. ☺ There is a terse one-thing-after-another sequence in this piece; yes, without particularly meaning to, I have wrought a little narrative. That carries with it certain responsibilities, a key one being the need for a sense of tension. As you perceptively observe, this could have been served by dwelling a little more on sensory impressions. It would have to be brief, no more than a stanza or two, to maintain the spare structure of the piece. And, to be honest, it would be quite a challenge to get right. I will give it some thought.

            I think you have shown real critical insight, Parkinsonspoet, and it's a pleasure to engage with it. My hat's off, sir.

          • Parkinsonspoet
            Parkinsonspoet commented
            Editing a comment
            Grant being honest here after others reaction(and some lack of) I read your comments with trepidation.I would probably not have said a word to anyone else here. I know you take a lot of care with what you put into your poetry. I thank you for your kind consideration..I would like to debate the issues around making these types of observations but your post is not the place. Please watch out for a separate thread that I will start.

        • #14
          MHenry not that long ago I said how I felt about a posting here and to be honest I made a fool of myself looking for something that didn't exist. Maybe I am doing it again. My post is honest though but I hope that Grant answers because if my views are foolish then maybe I will learn something. Grant has so many talents that I don't have, but maybe challenging will bring me a chance to learn.

          Comment


          • RhymeLovingWriter
            RhymeLovingWriter commented
            Editing a comment
            There is no harm in asking. I've made a fool of myself more than once by misinterpreting or asking questions already answered. Thankfully the other poets here in the zone are generally gracious and forgiving. It does bring up a point though for the other poets. When someone has a question or suggestion for your poetry, would you prefer public or privately messaged query? Perhaps this should be a question for its own post?

          • BiocideJ
            BiocideJ commented
            Editing a comment
            Definitely for a new post so we don't completely derail this thread.

          • MHenry
            MHenry commented
            Editing a comment
            Let all who have not made fools of themselves multiple times stand up and be counted!
            Let those who remember someone's else's perceived foolishness also stand.
            Oh. everyone is still sitting down!
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