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  • Suz-zen
    commented on 's reply
    thank you @lunar glide... and it was finished... in reality for years!!
    ... after this poem, at long last ...in my heart and mind. Tied up all of the emotional loose ends. Healing poetry this one. In Greek there is saying, roughly translated simply:"less words"...

  • Suz-zen
    commented on 's reply
    thanks grant hayes,
    real life experiences for me, very personal ones of emotional growth, love, pain, more growth, when given some passing time do seem to allow some revealing sprouting words to allow the experience to vaporize from my mind.... or maybe it is more like weeds that are in there that need to be pulled. Until i can name them (see them) they keep crowding the flowers... kind of a Zen thing! Anyway, i digress! thank you for the lovely words! No weeds in your garden dear grant!

  • Suz-zen
    commented on 's reply
    Hi Merkavah, thank you for commenting. I appreciate this. I tried to make a fairy-tale ending to this last night. I did not get on the R-zone and just sat with this thought. It did not come so i let it go. What you 'read' is what i felt and had hoped in my small way had tried to convey from a very deep place to others that may have experienced something like that...i like revealation !! thx!!!
    Last edited by Suz-zen; 07-28-2016, 10:56 AM.

  • Merkavah
    commented on 's reply
    Well, I must say that I really like how this is written and cannot possibly see how a romantic ending would be nearly as well-written... but I suppose in the interest of possibility it can't hurt to try?

    "Willing to feel what fears to be spoken" is, for me, the best part of the poem. I think particularly as 'I did what felt right to me' is often used in situations where we should have stepped away to isolate ourselves from harming others around us. And here it was the one who "struggles to see in their darkness" who acted beyond normal fears. ... That's how I read it at least ...

    (Sidenote: revelation rather than revealtion I would imagine.)

  • RhymeLovingWriter
    commented on 's reply
    That is beautiful LG!

  • lunar glide
    replied
    the braille goosebum connection is genius. and the concluding resignation even in the shape of the poem. I'm taken to the idea of a hand letting go in the sad gesture that love is finished...and you and your writing an extension of you reduced to just the few necessary words.

    Leave a comment:


  • grant hayes
    replied
    In its suspension of contact at the end, this poem strikes a felling blow, Suz-zen. The intimate braille/goosebump/touch cluster leads to a moving counterpoint.

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  • Suz-zen
    replied
    RhymeLovingWriter thank you!
    I have toyed with a different/ romantic ending to this story in my busy day. Look for it in another post... the beauty of the creative mind and fantasy.. also envisioning what many times becomes a reality. a type of prayer I believe....

    Leave a comment:


  • RhymeLovingWriter
    replied
    Suz-zen - I loved the first two stanzas and was anticipating a wonderful romantic close. But life apparently intervened - and so another truth evolved. But I too, absolutely love the image and phrasing of 'reading goosebumps' and 'language of your history'. Absolutely top-drawer writing here. Poignantly beautiful.

    Leave a comment:


  • Suz-zen
    commented on 's reply
    than you DWAYNE for your astute observations and interpretation. As always appreciated...

    cautionary, yes.

  • Suz-zen
    commented on 's reply
    thank you bobby Del Boy. I had inserted braille in he piece and then removed it as i felt it was redundant. it was quite emotional for me at a time about 5 or more years ago... it only came clear to me of late.

  • DWAYNE
    replied
    Measured prose, vivid with exactitude, mournful, cautionary, longing.

    Excellent.

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  • Bobby Del Boy
    replied
    Intriguing title Suz-zen ties the whole piece together helping the reader to see this thoughtful and emotional write from many viewpoints

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  • Suz-zen
    commented on 's reply
    MHenry that is is.... oh so personal.... thank you for the generous praise ... A final ode to a long lost 'love'....

  • Suz-zen
    commented on 's reply
    Tanner thanks for stopping by here. I was not sure where i was going to go with this when i started thinking about this last night. it felt right to end it so. a good therapist actually' wrote ' that last (kind of) long ago. Something that was shared in a conversation that stuck with me.
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