Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Play Acting

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Play Acting

    Play Acting

    tender kiss cascade
    after mating ritual
    never would reveal
    knavish heart of false desire
    aping all that came before



    ©RhymeLovingWriter 2016

  • #2
    This is like a senryu dressed as a tanka, or a wolf in sheep's clothing. It flows smoothly and the word choice is again impeccable, RLW! I love 'knavish heart!'

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Oh gees - I thought I was finally writing a tanka. Now it's a senryu? Apparently I am still confused between the two. Thank you for the elucidation - and the like - and the very nice comment! I'm kind of partial to 'knavish heart' myself!

    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Haha, These are thin lines. I could be way off base here. I just learned about senryu from Suz-zen last week. In any case, I don't think it's a bad thing. If you read about it on some web sites, it seems even the experts can't always tell the difference between a senryu and a haiku.

    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      I guess I should have been more precise in my comment. I feel this is a tanka with a senryu inside it, due to the human foible aspect.

  • #3
    Nicely done RLW.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you again Alex! Appreciate your comment, and liking the poem!

  • #4
    I like this poem RhymeLovingWriter !! wonderfully lyrical- paints a lovely picture! love the kiss cascade! I think more Tanka than Senryu? PotAto PoTAHo?


    Senyu have three lines with 17 or fewer total syllable
    Haiku vs Senryū
    Senryu tend to be about human foibles while haiku tend to be about nature,and Senryū are often cynical or darkly humorous while haiku are more serious. (from online publication)


    My Tanka 'cheatsheet'
    Line one - 5 syllables Beautiful mountains
    Line two - 7 syllables Rivers with cold, cold water.
    Line three - 5 syllable White cold snow on rocks
    Line four - 7 syllables Trees over the place with frost
    Line five - 7 syllables White sparkly snow everywhere.
    Tanka 1200 years ago

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      You can't argue with the people who created the form!

    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      well you could.... some folks get paid to do it!

  • #5
    brilliant! yes knavish heart got me too.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks LG - I needed a word to start with 'K' as I was so bent on writing a tanka that I made the first letters of each line start with one of the letters that spelled out 'tanka'! I believe that's a device I first learned from Parkinsonspoet's...or was it Suz-zen? Not sure anymore, but I liked the idea so tried it on for size again.

    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Haha! I didn't notice that, RLW! clever!
Working...
X