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  • Night Prayer

    Night Prayer

    tepid twirl of nightfall
    laboring dusk into darkness
    bearing heavy, settled recollect of
    undone, untreated day-designs

    squelched between
    verbal acknowledgement,
    weighted expectation, and
    post-partum reality

    bordering insomnia-taunting
    vortex, inconsistently staged,
    here preening, there petulant,
    in all places pulsing relentless

    pause claimed, righteous with
    indignation before gods impishly
    demanding first-born fruits and
    cherished children besides

    weary tear-crusted sojourner
    step into twirl tepid, fold into
    nightfall darkening, release
    bilious bemusement

    fall into faith again



    ©RhymeLovingWriter 2016

  • #2
    Not enough likes for this one, Rhymist. For me, this is simply wonderful in conception and construction, and expresses perfectly the actual welter of thought states, motivations, and compromises that tumble toward day's end. And the conclusion 'fall into faith again' thereby seems so utterly warranted. You have described the tohubohu prior to the breath of Elohim on the waters.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Grant - another new term 'tohubohu' - amazing how you keep tumbling them out. I only hope I can recall half of what I'm learning. People have commented sometimes on the 'shape' of my poems in the past. With this one, I really like the way it looks - in addition to the ideas it expresses. It reminds me of a large urn, with a rounded lid on top, holding the idea of the poem.

    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      It corresponds somewhat to the hieroglyph that depicts a column of papyrus, representing the word 'green' and its derivatives connoting new life and flourishing. It's also not unlike a squat version of the tentpole glyph, which is the principal biliteral in the word 'great'.

    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Oh my - I love that connotation! My heart swells with thanksgiving when different disciplines affirm what I know in my heart to be true. This too makes me joyful. What a gift at the end of a very long and trying day. Thank you for being part of that process!

  • #3
    RLW. I would hate to be the student sent to the blackboard to diagram this poem. I am glad Grant is here to shed some light. This poem is written in Grantian complexity and compacted language. Tanner needs exegesis help. I staggered from to image to image. I like this, but I pray for enlightenment. Many phrases for me were particularly pleasing, including "bordering insomnia-taunting vortex" and "weary tear-crusted sojourner", as well as the ending, "fall into faith again".

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Well Tanner, thank goodness I only get to write them - because I too, dreaded diagramming (although I think it's a great discipline I'd still like to develop)!

      The first stanza is a recognition night is approaching, feeling less than excited when reviewing all that didn't get done as planned this day.
      The second stanza reveals that this happened despite affirmation, a mental 'to-do' list, leaving me with the aftermath of attempts.
      The third stanza is a nod to my current state-of-life difficulty falling and staying asleep (and I've tried lots of remedies).
      The fourth is actually one of the parts most related to prayer, and today in particular in remembering Landon's death.
      The fifth is admonishment/encouragement to self that though it has been a (sometimes) difficult and sad day, if I do what I know has worked in the past - I will be able to arrive at
      The last line - 'falling into faith' - which is a very beautiful place to find myself.

      It's not your standard ritual night prayer - but God gave me the ability and desire to write - and it is a way to evaluate my day and reconnect with who I hope to become - who He made me to be.

      Does that help?

  • #4
    This is a masterwork, RLW! The word choices and word combinations show great strength, care, and craft. The idea, though somewhat shrouded, is clearly cohesive. You keep getting better!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks MHenry. It has helped to write it - and to hear comments - especially one like this in which someone sees positive growth in my work. Thank you for the look, like - and especially this affirmation!

  • #5
    RLW, I thank you for your graciousness in taking the time to help me with the interpretation of your poem. Insomnia is also something I have wrestled with in the last few
    years. Your words are much appreciated.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      I hope it didn't take too much of the mystery out of it.

  • #6
    RhymeLovingWriter what jumped out at me immediately was 'post-partum reality' and the thought of your grandson, Landon. Or that it could be the post-partum-ing of the day. Am i close?
    the concrete image struck me as an urn when I first viewed it. With your poetry I always count on a positive end of faith and again you delivered that message and i thank you! even in one simple compelling line.'fall into faith again'
    The entire piece is really some of your best work in my opinion!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Suz-zen - very astute reading. Actually it was both/and - actual post-partum (though he was 19 months when he passed) and the adrenaline let-down after 'birthing' any endeavor (which could and often does apply to daily effort in a multitude of venues). Thank you so much for the look, like, and generous comments!

  • #7
    the disjointed imagery tumbles like insomnia. and the ending is tranquil like sleep. love it.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks LG. This impression means I was successful at conveyance - because that is an apt description of the day!

  • #8
    The words literally dance!

    Excellent!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you DWAYNE! And what step do they inspire?
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