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Bellies to the Rails!

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  • Bellies to the Rails!

    Bellies to the Rails!

    From dim crevices they peer
    Unseen menaces lying in wait
    For unsuspecting mariners
    Who foolishly take the bait

    A glint of emerald scales
    A splash of alabaster skin
    Blimey! There's a mermaid's tail
    A wink, and she's down again

    The sailors drop the anchors
    They crease the swelling sheets
    To assuage a fearsome hankering
    For the sirens in the briny deep

    Blackie was the first to plunge
    He'd a lust for Nereids fair
    Out of a crevice, a creature lunged
    Poor Blackie was no more

    Heave ho, you wretched rankers!
    Get your bellies to the rails!
    Yank up the bloody anchors!
    Fasten the masts and hoist the sails!

    But the creature weighed a hundred tons
    It crashed through the clipper's hull
    And devoured all the drunken bums
    To the screech of a laughing gull
    Last edited by MHenry; 07-21-2016, 09:34 AM.

  • #2
    Sea poetry really is your forte. Wonderful story. Great job!!

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi, AG, I really do love the sea-faring tales, and maybe it is because my Dad loved the Rime of the Ancient Mariner and told me about when I was a boy. Or, maybe it is because of Popeye! Thanks for the look and the comment!

  • #3
    This is a compelling story, very well told.

    Have you ever considered writing novels, or children's books?

    Seriously, I can see an expanded version of this tale, with illustrations.

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      I have written one children's book, and I have many unfinished works that could be short stories or novels, Trouble is, I peter out! When I have more time, I might go back to them. Thanks for the look and the supportive comments, Dwayne, I very much appreciate it.

  • #4
    MHenry I am pressganged by this and taken to sea .I feel as though i was there. I look forward to your poems and I mean this as a complement as my first reaction to your many unfinished works was what a waste.

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for introducing me to 'pressganged,' Pp. I hadn't run across that word before, though I was pressganged (drafted) into military service myself!

      Thanks for the support, Pp.

      When I get overly ambitious, I feel I have to move on to something else before the end of the journey. Some of the poems I have posted here could use more stanzas, but I am too eager to tie the ribbon!

    • Parkinsonspoet
      Parkinsonspoet commented
      Editing a comment
      I am pleased that i can return the favour you have added to my vocabulary. Pressganged my be leading me to a poem

  • #5
    And Disney made those little guys and gals with tails look so innocent! Seriously engaging drama unfolding here MHenry. Enjoyed tremendously. More please.

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks, RLW! It is heartening to know you enjoy something I have written! Yes, they are not all little Ariels, I think!

    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      I enjoy a LOT of what you've written MHenry!

  • #6
    An 100 ton mermaid? Or is it Moby-Dick? I feel that this leaps to a conclusion I am not quite ready for. The first five stanzas set me up for further intrigue with their exciting, pacy storytelling. They speak of the danger of allure, of the one-by-one madness of crew members wooed away to their doom. So the shift to the gargantuan is puzzling, like interrupting a suspense tale about honey-trap assassins with a nuclear bomb. I get it; it's a variation of the Henrician turn. But the sense of alarm and emergency is already there. So, no issue with the zesty poetics here, more the overall narrative arc.

    Comment


    • #7
      Thank you for indulging, grant, Sensei.
      It's a sea monster to whom the mermaids led the sailors. I should add some stanzas and not let Blackie be the only one to pursue the bait! And I should give a glimpse of the sea monster to the rest of the crew.

      This is a case of the author tiring of the struggle too soon!
      Last edited by MHenry; 07-21-2016, 02:28 PM.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        Good ideas, Maestro. I knew there was more tale in there. That makes good narrative sense and sounds like a real challenge. I think that is a kind of prize to aim for. You have the poetic vitality and sense of imagery to craft powerful scenarios; it's a matter of pushing them that little bit further. And I say that as one who would find a longer narrative piece almost impossibly difficult to compose. I have tried. It is hard. I think you have a way better chance at pulling it off than I would.

    • #8
      MHenry this is wonderful! I am still working and this was great break for me!!
      .....the second stanza paints such a picture!! I saw the glint and I felt a splash as went into the next stanza! Love the entire piece.

      Comment


      • MHenry
        MHenry commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you, Suz-zen! I am glad I could give you a good break!
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