Ramose

[grant hayes]

Deleted

[MHenry]

So many things to love about this, grant Sensei, beginning with the wonderful story, which I feel I do understand in part ...born of the sun, god has forgotten us and the long and weary life we've lived, the fight is gone from us and we accept our fate. The opening stanza is glorious! Filled with your signature abundance of assonance and consonance. The second stanza, a mesmerizing description of the tired, old servant of the lord. The third of abandonment. The fourth of acceptance. The care and craft of this piece, like all your work, is immediately evident! Grand and magnificent!

[grant hayes]

Thank you, MHenry. I put it out there, feeling I needed to participate in actual shares rather than just comment! I wanted to depict direct speech with a 'flavour' of a distant time and foreign frame of reference, yet in a way that would be accessible to a modern reader.

[MHenry]

The more of your work you share with us, the richer we are, grant Sensei!

[RhymeLovingWriter]

I like this style of writing Grant - a story line I can follow with rich, self-deprecating dialogue (or is it monologue)? Inspired me to look up more history. Thank you.

[grant hayes]

Rhymist, it is one man, Ramose - a senior official - responding to his king's (implied, offstage) invitation to speak freely. The last stanza reveals that the topic under discussion was the building of a tomb for Ramose - meant to be a great honour bestowed by the king. The subtext is that Ramose has taken the king's invitation to speak freely quite seriously, and has aired his anxiety about death and his scepticism about the afterlife.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Yes, that is what I read, and also apparently Ramose's tomb was (is) quite beautiful. Have you seen it, in your travels and/or extensive studies?

[grant hayes]

I have indeed been to the famous tomb to which you refer, Rhymist, though my use of the name Ramose was determined more by the relative ease of pronunciation and the somewhat ironic nature of its meaning in this context.

[grant hayes]

Another thing that may aid appreciation: the phrase 'we, whom the god has wept', alludes to a concept from Egyptian religious belief, whereby humans were thought to originate from the tears of the creator god. In ancient Egyptian, the words for 'people' and 'tears' are very similar, so, as was typical for them, a profound truth was derived from a pun.

[lunar glide]

thank you for this!!! and for the extra notes. you make me want to learn about Egypt. this is infinitely better than tv 😄

[grant hayes]

Haha! Yes, the TV shows rarely get past the 'woo woo' approach. Thank you, O seer of Selene!

[AlexandratheLate]

I love the journeys of exploration you take us to, Grant. There is so much to learn and appreciate about Egypt, their history and beliefs. You continually challenge our knowledge as well as our perceptive powers and push us to think beyond our comfortable illusive world. I always eagerly anticipate your next writing and this certainly has enriched my life. Thank you for the explanation and your outstanding writing.

This format certainly fits your subject.

[grant hayes]

I value this comment so very much, Alexandra! It pleases me to have communicated thus to you, and I appreciate you taking the time to write this in response. It is a joy to be read with such receptive enthusiasm. Thank YOU!

[Suz-zen]

a write of enormous power grant hayes ... and as I read and re-read this piece before and after reading the comments and your helpful notes i felt i was in Egypt but also felt a connection to modern day. Lamenting the common thread of aging, and inching toward the end... this stopped me 'dead'
My king, I am old like evening,
full of daylight’s wars, my eyes
not widened by charms or terrors
anymore, but even so
- my years like stone on a cracking
sledge, my gaze a fog that never
lifts

[grant hayes]

Ah, Suz-zen I am so glad you were able to connect the different times in your reading - the ancient and the contemporary. We have such different frames of reference from the ancients, but the great human verities remain the same. Thank you for engaging!

[DWAYNE]

I can barely express how excellent this poem is, and for me, even in the abstract, without explanations.

The phrasing and diction are customarily eloquent, but the overarching theme of reflection is what really mesmerizes me!

This is one of those poems that I will re-read several times over, and I encourage others to do the same.

[grant hayes]

I am particularly glad you relate to this, Dwayne; I had hoped it would speak to you. You are someone who 'speaks truth to power', so I thought a version of that set in another time might appeal to you. Thank you for your gracious remarks.

[Parkinsonspoet]

A historical epic well toldand words crafted rather than chosen-grandeur in versecwhen read aloud

[grant hayes]

Ah, I always appreciate your practice of reading aloud, Parkinsonspoet! When you remind us of it in relation my poems, I feel I have succeeded, because the sound is so important to me. Many thanks!

[rhymetime]

The discussion has been thorough. I just wanna add- I appreciate both the verse and the commentary. I enjoy re-reading multiple times and also found reading it out loud to be a great deal of fun

thanks much

[grant hayes]

Repeated reads and out loud too? That makes me happy, rhymetime. Thank you, much.

[lunar glide]

as you probably could guess the second stanza has me spellbound. this to me is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.

[grant hayes]

Lunar glide, that is high praise indeed, since you are such an adept shaper of beauties yourself. I'm guessing it's the analog to eventide that draws you in?

[lunar glide]

and the gaze like fog...