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We too often begin with a bang, end with a whimper, wallow and whine.
Sometimes you want to make amends but, for whatever reason, you can't.
Many years ago, my best friend died in a car accident. I do not have any actual brothers, and we were like kin.
He had called me days before, something he rarely did. He always said he preferred to see the whites of your eyes, when conversing.
Typical teenager, I was too self-absorbed with my first summer job, and an impending vacation, that I simply did not return the call.
On the day he died, less than a week later, while I was on vacation, I literally felt it in my bones. I was inexplicably distraught, despite not learning of his death until I returned home, after the funeral, nearly 2 weeks later.
It later was discovered, in his writings, that, for several weeks, he had had dreams foreshadowing the manner of his death.
For years I was haunted by my failure to return that call. Yet, what can I do about it?
Life is for the living, so I used that lesson to just be more attentive in my relationships. I know that it has made me a better brother, uncle, cousin, partner, colleague etc.
Still, whenever someone expresses appreciation for my consideration, there is always a tinge of guilt.
Sometimes you just can't patch things up, all you can do is learn, and be better for the lesson.
I used to shy away from that, but now I embrace it.
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