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  • Rhyme

    Deleted
    Last edited by grant hayes; 12-25-2017, 09:38 PM.

  • #2
    To lie in bed with the stars. If only! 10,000 likes!

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I daresay you'd need no machine for that, Bobby!

  • #3
    This is so amazing I don't know where to start. I feel like I have been duly chastised for envying but with such beauty and grace that I feel humbled but not rebuked, like oil anointing a King or refreshing as a cool breeze. This is just lovely Grant!!

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      It's a slight inflection of one of your characteristic Alexandran triads: three four-line stanzas. The variation is the A-B-B-A rhyme. You wanted a poem; you got it.

      I am glad you enjoy it. Alexandra. Many thanks for the lovely praise.

  • #4
    heaps of love for this! I'm sure it has a place in Moby dick somewhere

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      You feel it has that kind of august impact, lunar glide? Wow. Melville is seriously profound.

  • #5
    Evocative - and a pleasure to read you again Grant! I really appreciate your imagery for the force that so often defies explanation, but swells within every poet's heart.

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      A pleasure to be read by such receptive readers as thee, Rhymist.

  • #6
    A departure from your earlier work, stylistically, but no less eloquent.

    You are a versatile scribe.

    I am always eager to read your work.
    It is always thought provoking, and multi-layered. It requires the reader to bring something of himself to the lens.

    It is one thing to paint a picture, and quite another to urge the reader to do so.
    You have, quite simply, mastered that skill.

    That we get to read this top drawer work here, is a real treat.


    Consistently excellent, and for me, a must read.

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      A scribe I be, and to be named a versatile one by thee is a signal honour, Dwayne. My humbled thanks. You are a most appreciative reader; many thanks for taking the time to express such heartening encouragement.
      Last edited by grant hayes; 07-19-2016, 11:48 PM.

  • #7
    More accessible than your usual fare, yet still exquisite and thought provoking. Your favorite themes of ocean, earth, the human things that crawled out and on, expressed in yet another manner. This time an actual rhyming piece. The first two stanzas slightly more accessible than the last and their rhymes straight and tall. The last stanza departing slightly with the slanted rhymes and the hint of obscurity, but still accessible.

    Then, there are the hidden delights...and this is not easy, folks!

    sea, ceased, leashed, seeps, beasts, feasts, breasted, heaps, genies, ellipses
    hulls, tumult, gulls

    Who knows what I have missed!

    The words are woven together seamlessly to tell a story of greed among bounty.
    The earth's plump and green is not enough. We must grab from the cosmos, too.

    To single out lines is to do an injustice to the rest, but I may be forgiven if I am partial to...

    Bellied as hulls, sharp as coral;
    Our tumult is the gulls’ quarrel,


    Spectacular, grant Sensei!

    This poem stands as tall as all your other finely crafted work!
    Last edited by MHenry; 07-19-2016, 01:35 PM.

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      'a story of greed among bounty.
      The earth's plump and green is not enough. We must grab from the cosmos, too'

      You got it, Maestro!

      And you can be partial to those two lines you highlighted; they are in fact the germ of the whole piece. Thank you for sharing such a detailed and insightful appreciation. That you have read thus means I have succeeding in communicating.

  • #8
    I have spent some time with this verse. V2L4 and V3L4 are especially intriguing to me.
    The rhymes and rythem are flawless. Thanks for sharing with us

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      That you spend time with it I take as a great compliment, rhymetime. Thank you for engaging with it.

  • #9
    I believe Dylan Thomas is stirring in his grave with jealousy that he did not write this remarkable poem, especially the second stanza which contain 4 of the most brilliant lines I have ever
    read. So much tightness. It would take a nuclear explosion to pierce the dense richness of this beautiful write.

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      Your appreciation means a lot to me, poet. I doubt Dylan would be whirring in his earth over this, but thank you for the compliment, and for the praise, which I value greatly.

  • #10
    i return to admire this one! at last a reduction of phonology, semantics, and context dependency... this is the poem I have been waiting for without knowing.

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    • #11
      This is a surprising change for you, grant, and you did it well so that it is unquestionably yours. Well done!

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you, Muttado! If one is to be an habitué of Rhymezone, it behooves one to rhyme at least occasionally.

    • #12
      lunar glide: at last a reduction of phonology, semantics, and context dependency Strewth!! Did I do that?!

      Comment

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